Your Weekly American Top Ten List

​10.  NPR FINALLY SUSPENDS RIGHT-WING INGRATE​  –  New York Town Crier

​  9.  A VIBRANT PRESIDENT BOUND​S FROM ​THE STAGE WITH NO​ VISIBLE ASSISTANCE​   

                                                                           -Rehoboth Penny Saver

​  8.  IF ELECTED SPEAKER, MARJORIE T. GREENE PLEDGES TO NEVER WEAR THE WHITE CHICKEN SUIT IN PUBLIC

– Alpharetta Constitution

​  7.  DURING WAVE OF SHOCKING ANTI-SEMITISM, NPR CEO REFOCUSES NEWS COVERAGE ON “TRANSPHOBIA”

– Borough Park Bugle

​   6.  MR. BIDEN PROMISES SON THAT ANY NEW “WEALTH TAX” WILL NOT IMPACT FAMILY INFLUENCE-PEDDLING INCOME​   

– Investor’s Quarterly

​   5.  LIBERAL NPR EDITOR SAYS HIS PEERS INCLUDE 87 DEMOCRATS AND ZERO REPUBLICANS.  CEO RESPONDS: “AND YOUR POINT?”​ 

                                           – Milwaukee Times-Picayune

​   4.  VICE PRESIDENT SAID TO ASK ABOUT PROXIMITY OF TEHERAN TO THE SOUTHERN BORDER  – New Braunfels Evening News

3. UNKNOWN TO MOST NEW YORKERS, SENATOR GILLIBRAND STILL LEADING IN POLLS FOR RE-ELECTION​   – Plattsburgh Freeman

​    2.  BREAKING: CONSPIRACY THEORISTS SEE “IDENTITY POLITICS,” AS PRESIDENT SWITCHES FROM CHOCOLATE CHIP TO TUTTI FRUTTI ICE CREAM

– Burlington Gazette and Intelligencer

…and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE WE WON’T BE READING THIS WEEK is…

1. GOVERNOR HOCHUL SIGNS STATE BUDGET OF $237 BILLION TO SERVE 19.5 MILLION NEW YORKERS.     FLORIDA TO S​PEND JUST $117 BILLION​ FOR 23 MILLION PEOPLE.     – Roosevelt Island Recorder

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

    ​10.  In some states, get ready to stand behind new migrants to cast your vote. Remember, “no one is illegal.”

       9.  Egg prices have doubled in just 30-odd months-of-Biden.  Better scramble.

8.   Planning that family vay-cay?   Gas costs 50% more now.  Maybe switch to a movie and an ice cream cone.

7.  School counselors are convincing your son Bubba that he’s really a Cynthia.

6.   CNN is telling you that “another young man has been killed by the police.”   (Reality: the decedent first emptied his 11 shot-pistol AT the police).

5.   Quick!  Begin saving for that high-ticket electric car Biden and his EPA are foisting on you.

4.  You may need help explaining to your third-grader that her share of our national debt is $83,000.

3.  Congratulations!  Your Biden White House now considers you “rich.”    Now, pay your “fair share” in taxes.

2.  Heading to the NY Times best-sellers list:  Squatting.The New Affordable Housing. 

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY THAT “PROGRESSIVES” are SAYING “WELCOME to SPRINGTIME” is…

1. ​ Ladies:  In your locker room, that really is a naked man leering at you.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10.   (Call at 12 noon to the presidential palace in Paris)  “Sorry I’m late, may I call you Bibi?”

​ 9.    “Are you close enough to deliver chocolate chip ice cream?”

​ 8.     “You mean you are VLADIMIR, and not Volod​ymyr… in Kyiv?   So, how’s the weather in Moscow today?”

​ 7.    “Jilly?  Jill?   Am I in Wilmington, Rehoboth or what?”

​ 6.    “​Second Gentleman Emhoff, can you help ​focus Kamala on the border?”

​ 5.    “Hey Hunter, would-ya please call that lady is Moscow again?    Ask for another three-mil.”

  4.  “The price of gas is still under a dollar, ain’t it, Jim?”

  3.   “Hold on!   You sayin’ there could be ANOTHER laptop out there?    Quick, can we blame the Russians again?”

  2.  “I’m tellin’ ya, Rachel.    Corn Pop is real, but Tony Bobulinsky is not.”

…and the NUMBER ONE PHONE CALL EMANATING from the WHITE HOUSE THIS WEEK, as INTERCEPTED by FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE SYSTEMS is:

  1. “Nah, “paying my fair doesn’t apply to cash from overseas.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  “You really had a balanced budget?”  “Yeah, but Newt handed it to me.”

9. “We-e-ll, doagies, d’jou see that blonde in the 3rd row?”     

                 “This is New York, Bill.  ‘He’s’ a transgender.”

8.   “Really?     The man is younger than Jimmy Carter?”

7. “Q:  “$100,000 for this?”   

             A: “You never heard of Bidenflation?”

6. “I know I’m a bit older, but I like those songs by LizzY.”

5.  “Barack, what is the difference between a trillion and a gazillion?

4.   ” And today, just spittin’ distance from St. Patrick’s Cathedral, I’m proud to announce that ‘Trans Appreciation Day’ will coincide with Easter Sunday.”

3. “You can’t run, you can’t hide. We charge you with gen-o-cide.”  (Screaming directed at Radio City’s turnstile operators).

2.  “Is that a rechargeable cattle prod Hillary is carrying?”

….and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD at the BIDEN-OBAMA-CLINTON FUNDRAISER that RAISED $26 MILLION in NYC was:

1. “No, sir, this is Radio City, not the Ramada Wilmington.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. That wafting smell on West 41st Street is not from a Longhorn stable.

      9.  You mean we have to pay income taxes here?

8. The grinning guy with the hat on the “A” train is not a Texas Ranger.

7. In Texas, “squatters” can be “persuaded” to find alternative lodging, pretty much immediately.

6. The “Best Little Whorehouse” is not in Luckenbach, plus we call ‘em “sex workers” here.

5.  Texas has “The Alamo,” we’ve got “Fort Apache.”

4.   Along the BQE, that is wind-swept trash, not tumbleweeds.

3.  In Greenwich Village, a man wearing chaps is not guaranteed to be a “cattle-drivin’, six-gun totin'” cowboy.

2. Really?  Jacob deGrom left the Mets to pitch in a no-income tax state?

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY to TELL YOU’RE in NEW YORK and NOT in TEXAS is…

1. I know a guy here who has to post a quick $500 million bond for a “crime” with no victims.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Cartel minivan drivers crossing the border with a “Majorkas Bobblehead” ornament on the dashboard will receive pre-paid gasoline cards and free rapid oil change.

9. Border-crossing migrants from Andorra, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, San Marino, Vatican City and Gibraltar will be arrested and deported immediately.

8. High-net worth migrants from Monaco will be assessed a 25% “wealth tax” upon US entry, and returned to Monte Carlo (economy class) forthwith.

7. Racial, ethnic and gender profiling of migrants is strictly prohibited…        except for those shifty Liechstensteiners.

6. For each 300 feet of new border wall constructed, a bronze bust of a Biden family member must be affixed and displayed.

5. Migrants who have obtained counterfeit Voter IDs will be booked into Manhattan’s Roosevelt Hotel, and then re-directed to 2024 “Swing States.”

4.  Crossing the Rio Grande in a wet “Thank You Joe Biden” T-shirt grants you a free towel, cell phone and gift card.

3.  Every thousandth illegal will be awarded “their” own “Newcomer Influencer” channel on You Tube.

2.   1.5 million new, additional migrants WILL be released into the U.S. each year   (Wait! That actually WAS in the previous Biden-Schumer bill!!)

….and the NUMBER ONE PROVISION in the LATEST “BI-PARTISAN’ BORDER PROPOSAL is:

1.   Migrants flown into the U.S. on Biden-requisitioned military aircraft will have automatic access to First Class airline lounges.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “After three short years, your dollar is still worth about half of its original value.”

9.   “The United States is being challenged as never before.    We need a military that welcomes every single gender.”

8.   “I am appointing my brother Hunter to….”

7.    “In fact, more than a thousand illegal​,​sorry, undocumented, migrants work in this very building!”

6.    “I told Jill to crank up the Victrola last week and….”

5.   “Medicare and Social Security are as sound as our borders.​ They’ve got at least another two years left.”

4.   “My Chinese paymasters have been insisting….”

3.   “​S​o many of our problems can be traced to shrinkflation.”

2.   “​Corn Pop was telling me just the other day that we should go behind the school gym and beat up ‘my predecessor.'”

    …and the NUMBER ONE LINE EDITED OUT of the “STATE f the UNION” ADDRESS is:

1.  “Except for my no-experience family members, let’s make the rich pay their fair share of taxes.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. 34% agree that Vladimir Putin without shirt is a “good presidential look.”

9.  Opposition candidates Niklas Khakitonov, Leonid Slutsky and Vladislav Davankov are polling at a combined 7%.

8.  Russian voters overwhelmingly say that “mail-in ballots offer too much opportunity for fraud.”

7.  98.4% of Russian voters “doubt” that U. S. Senator Elizabeth Warren ​actually “descended from Siberian Eskimos.”

6. One in five Stolichnaya vodka drinkers plan to write in “Peter the Great” for president.   (Survey taken at 11 PM).

5.  Asked to name a heroic​, admirable Russian leader, 67% answered “Maria Sharapova.”

4.  73% of Russians with access to a television say that “Russian sit-coms more-funny than Amerikanski ones.”

3. When Muscovites are surveyed in-person, 99% prefer Vlad Putin’s version of “Blueberry Hill” to Fats Domino’s.

2.     Vladivostok voters would prefer to rename their city “Mar-A-Lago,” in order to improve the weather.

…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING RESULT from SURVEYS of RUSSIAN VOTERS, JUST PRIOR to THEIR PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION is:

​     1.  Following their president’s lead, 84% of Russian voters favor Biden over Trump.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “​I AM NOT A BIDEN RUBBER STAMP.    A RUBBER STAMP ​LEAVES AN IMPRESSION’

9. “I’M FOR THE SECOND AMENDMENT”   (for upstate TV markets)

8. “GUNS ARE THE PROBLEM” (for the NYC + suburban markets)

7.  “MY PLAN IS TO SERVE MY FULL TERM.  AS OF TODAY.”

6.   “ONCE VOTED THE HOTTEST MEMBER OF CONGRESS”

5.   “NEW YORKERS WANT EQUITY, NOT LOWER TAXES”

4. “’VOTED BY CAPITOL STAFFERS AS ‘ONE OF THE 98 SMARTEST SENATORS.'”

3. “MY CONSTITUENT SERVICE​ STAFF HELP THE MIDDLE CLASS EVERY DAY.   PRESS ONE IF YOU ARE A DONOR”

2.  “I SOLVED THAT STICKY BORDER CRISIS….      WITH CONNECTICUT”

…and the NUMBER ONE “TRIAL BALLOON” SLOGAN for the RE-ELECT SENATOR KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND CAMPAIGN is…

1. “VOTE GILLIBRAND.   SHE’LL NEVER USE THE WRONG PRONOUN.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “No, that box has my cash payments from China and Russia.”

9. “Mr. President?   Mr. President?    No, that means you, sir.”

8.  “Look, my Corvette never got stolen.”

7.  “Just because you raided Melania’s undies, don’t get fresh here, Sonny Boy.”

6.   “Leave my brother Hunter out of this.”

5.​  “Documents?   Are you my accountant?”

4. “You can’t charge me — I’m the dang U.S. Senator.”

3. “Here’s a really top secret file:   my plan to close the border.”

2.  “Hur?  Bob Hur?    I knew your grandpappy – –   Ben.”

… and the NUMBER ONE YET-UNRELEASED REMARK from SPECIAL COUNSEL ROBERT HUR’S REPORT on BIDEN MISHANDLING of CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS is…

1.  “Jill, show him the ‘Influence Peddling’ file cabinet, OK?”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .