Your Weekly American Top Ten List

​10.   (Call at 12 noon to the presidential palace in Paris)  “Sorry I’m late, may I call you Bibi?”

​ 9.    “Are you close enough to deliver chocolate chip ice cream?”

​ 8.     “You mean you are VLADIMIR, and not Volod​ymyr… in Kyiv?   So, how’s the weather in Moscow today?”

​ 7.    “Jilly?  Jill?   Am I in Wilmington, Rehoboth or what?”

​ 6.    “​Second Gentleman Emhoff, can you help ​focus Kamala on the border?”

​ 5.    “Hey Hunter, would-ya please call that lady is Moscow again?    Ask for another three-mil.”

  4.  “The price of gas is still under a dollar, ain’t it, Jim?”

  3.   “Hold on!   You sayin’ there could be ANOTHER laptop out there?    Quick, can we blame the Russians again?”

  2.  “I’m tellin’ ya, Rachel.    Corn Pop is real, but Tony Bobulinsky is not.”

…and the NUMBER ONE PHONE CALL EMANATING from the WHITE HOUSE THIS WEEK, as INTERCEPTED by FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE SYSTEMS is:

  1. “Nah, “paying my fair doesn’t apply to cash from overseas.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10.  “You really had a balanced budget?”  “Yeah, but Newt handed it to me.”

9. “We-e-ll, doagies, d’jou see that blonde in the 3rd row?”     

                 “This is New York, Bill.  ‘He’s’ a transgender.”

8.   “Really?     The man is younger than Jimmy Carter?”

7. “Q:  “$100,000 for this?”   

             A: “You never heard of Bidenflation?”

6. “I know I’m a bit older, but I like those songs by LizzY.”

5.  “Barack, what is the difference between a trillion and a gazillion?

4.   ” And today, just spittin’ distance from St. Patrick’s Cathedral, I’m proud to announce that ‘Trans Appreciation Day’ will coincide with Easter Sunday.”

3. “You can’t run, you can’t hide. We charge you with gen-o-cide.”  (Screaming directed at Radio City’s turnstile operators).

2.  “Is that a rechargeable cattle prod Hillary is carrying?”

….and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD at the BIDEN-OBAMA-CLINTON FUNDRAISER that RAISED $26 MILLION in NYC was:

1. “No, sir, this is Radio City, not the Ramada Wilmington.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10. That wafting smell on West 41st Street is not from a Longhorn stable.

      9.  You mean we have to pay income taxes here?

8. The grinning guy with the hat on the “A” train is not a Texas Ranger.

7. In Texas, “squatters” can be “persuaded” to find alternative lodging, pretty much immediately.

6. The “Best Little Whorehouse” is not in Luckenbach, plus we call ‘em “sex workers” here.

5.  Texas has “The Alamo,” we’ve got “Fort Apache.”

4.   Along the BQE, that is wind-swept trash, not tumbleweeds.

3.  In Greenwich Village, a man wearing chaps is not guaranteed to be a “cattle-drivin’, six-gun totin'” cowboy.

2. Really?  Jacob deGrom left the Mets to pitch in a no-income tax state?

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY to TELL YOU’RE in NEW YORK and NOT in TEXAS is…

1. I know a guy here who has to post a quick $500 million bond for a “crime” with no victims.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Cartel minivan drivers crossing the border with a “Majorkas Bobblehead” ornament on the dashboard will receive pre-paid gasoline cards and free rapid oil change.

9. Border-crossing migrants from Andorra, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, San Marino, Vatican City and Gibraltar will be arrested and deported immediately.

8. High-net worth migrants from Monaco will be assessed a 25% “wealth tax” upon US entry, and returned to Monte Carlo (economy class) forthwith.

7. Racial, ethnic and gender profiling of migrants is strictly prohibited…        except for those shifty Liechstensteiners.

6. For each 300 feet of new border wall constructed, a bronze bust of a Biden family member must be affixed and displayed.

5. Migrants who have obtained counterfeit Voter IDs will be booked into Manhattan’s Roosevelt Hotel, and then re-directed to 2024 “Swing States.”

4.  Crossing the Rio Grande in a wet “Thank You Joe Biden” T-shirt grants you a free towel, cell phone and gift card.

3.  Every thousandth illegal will be awarded “their” own “Newcomer Influencer” channel on You Tube.

2.   1.5 million new, additional migrants WILL be released into the U.S. each year   (Wait! That actually WAS in the previous Biden-Schumer bill!!)

….and the NUMBER ONE PROVISION in the LATEST “BI-PARTISAN’ BORDER PROPOSAL is:

1.   Migrants flown into the U.S. on Biden-requisitioned military aircraft will have automatic access to First Class airline lounges.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “After three short years, your dollar is still worth about half of its original value.”

9.   “The United States is being challenged as never before.    We need a military that welcomes every single gender.”

8.   “I am appointing my brother Hunter to….”

7.    “In fact, more than a thousand illegal​,​sorry, undocumented, migrants work in this very building!”

6.    “I told Jill to crank up the Victrola last week and….”

5.   “Medicare and Social Security are as sound as our borders.​ They’ve got at least another two years left.”

4.   “My Chinese paymasters have been insisting….”

3.   “​S​o many of our problems can be traced to shrinkflation.”

2.   “​Corn Pop was telling me just the other day that we should go behind the school gym and beat up ‘my predecessor.'”

    …and the NUMBER ONE LINE EDITED OUT of the “STATE f the UNION” ADDRESS is:

1.  “Except for my no-experience family members, let’s make the rich pay their fair share of taxes.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. 34% agree that Vladimir Putin without shirt is a “good presidential look.”

9.  Opposition candidates Niklas Khakitonov, Leonid Slutsky and Vladislav Davankov are polling at a combined 7%.

8.  Russian voters overwhelmingly say that “mail-in ballots offer too much opportunity for fraud.”

7.  98.4% of Russian voters “doubt” that U. S. Senator Elizabeth Warren ​actually “descended from Siberian Eskimos.”

6. One in five Stolichnaya vodka drinkers plan to write in “Peter the Great” for president.   (Survey taken at 11 PM).

5.  Asked to name a heroic​, admirable Russian leader, 67% answered “Maria Sharapova.”

4.  73% of Russians with access to a television say that “Russian sit-coms more-funny than Amerikanski ones.”

3. When Muscovites are surveyed in-person, 99% prefer Vlad Putin’s version of “Blueberry Hill” to Fats Domino’s.

2.     Vladivostok voters would prefer to rename their city “Mar-A-Lago,” in order to improve the weather.

…and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING RESULT from SURVEYS of RUSSIAN VOTERS, JUST PRIOR to THEIR PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION is:

​     1.  Following their president’s lead, 84% of Russian voters favor Biden over Trump.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “​I AM NOT A BIDEN RUBBER STAMP.    A RUBBER STAMP ​LEAVES AN IMPRESSION’

9. “I’M FOR THE SECOND AMENDMENT”   (for upstate TV markets)

8. “GUNS ARE THE PROBLEM” (for the NYC + suburban markets)

7.  “MY PLAN IS TO SERVE MY FULL TERM.  AS OF TODAY.”

6.   “ONCE VOTED THE HOTTEST MEMBER OF CONGRESS”

5.   “NEW YORKERS WANT EQUITY, NOT LOWER TAXES”

4. “’VOTED BY CAPITOL STAFFERS AS ‘ONE OF THE 98 SMARTEST SENATORS.'”

3. “MY CONSTITUENT SERVICE​ STAFF HELP THE MIDDLE CLASS EVERY DAY.   PRESS ONE IF YOU ARE A DONOR”

2.  “I SOLVED THAT STICKY BORDER CRISIS….      WITH CONNECTICUT”

…and the NUMBER ONE “TRIAL BALLOON” SLOGAN for the RE-ELECT SENATOR KIRSTEN GILLIBRAND CAMPAIGN is…

1. “VOTE GILLIBRAND.   SHE’LL NEVER USE THE WRONG PRONOUN.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “No, that box has my cash payments from China and Russia.”

9. “Mr. President?   Mr. President?    No, that means you, sir.”

8.  “Look, my Corvette never got stolen.”

7.  “Just because you raided Melania’s undies, don’t get fresh here, Sonny Boy.”

6.   “Leave my brother Hunter out of this.”

5.​  “Documents?   Are you my accountant?”

4. “You can’t charge me — I’m the dang U.S. Senator.”

3. “Here’s a really top secret file:   my plan to close the border.”

2.  “Hur?  Bob Hur?    I knew your grandpappy – –   Ben.”

… and the NUMBER ONE YET-UNRELEASED REMARK from SPECIAL COUNSEL ROBERT HUR’S REPORT on BIDEN MISHANDLING of CLASSIFIED DOCUMENTS is…

1.  “Jill, show him the ‘Influence Peddling’ file cabinet, OK?”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. The pre-paid Food Stamp credit cards are fine, but​,​ OH! Those pre-paid “Fan Duel” gambling cards​!

9. Judgmental “illegal migrant” moniker to be replaced with “guest brand ambassador.”

8. “No-photo TSA clearance” to be outdone by No-photo drivers’ licenses.

7.  New ​NYC Adams administration “frequent guest” program:  ​“Stay 10 days in the $383-a-night Roosevelt Hotel, earn two free nights at any non-Trump hotel.​“

6. “Recreation hour’ in migrant housing is operated by Equinox Fitness.

5. Cash prizes at the “Migrant Olympics,” where  competitions include traversing a river, scaling a wall and stealing live poultry.

4.  Looks like we can actually use all these mail-in absentee ballots.

3.  Those “Times Square Gun Free Zone” signs don’t apply to us.

2.  Hey, it’s off-season. Let’s fly back to Martha’s Vineyard !

…and the NUMBER ONE “AMENITY” OFFERED by NYC, as VOTED by ILLEGAL MIGRANTS is…

1. You can trade fentanyl for weed almost anywhere.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg was bicycling to Indiana to adopt triplets and “earn” triple paternity leave.

9. Attorney General Garland borrowed John Kerry’s private jet to take his annual “Continuing Legal Education” courses….    in Cuba.

8.  VP Kamala “took no calls” for three days at the Vice President’s Naval Observatory residence, so she could carefully study aerial and satellite images of our southern border.

7.  Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen took a 3-hour “mental health” and espresso break after processing the difference between a billion, trillion and gazillion.

6.  Although staff feared he might be in violent San Francisco, Governor Newsom was finally discovered in a Yountsville, California meadow, 146 yards from his beloved French Laundry, sleeping off the “caviar-and-vodka” tasting menu.

5. Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas flew to an ‘anti-impeachment coaching and spa’ weekend in Lebanon, Kansas, the remote point equidistant from both the Mexican and Canadian borders.

4.  Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm simply got stranded for 46 hours in Bourbon County, Kentucky, seeking a tow to an electric vehicle charging station.

3.  Miguel Cardona, Secretary of Education, was cloistered in “Dr. Jill’s” Northern Virginia Community College, taking the advanced “cursive writing” course.

2.  In full headdress, US Senator Elizabeth Warren drove across the NY state border to personally apply for a coveted “Native American Gaming Casino” license.   The round-trip and paperwork consumed 28 hours of “personal time.”

…and the NUMBER ONE EXCUSE a SENIOR OFFICIAL COULD GIVE for GOING “AWOL” is…

   1. Vladimir Putin was “off the Russian grid” nearly four hours.    Apparently, he was riding a horse in Red Square, shirtless.   There were no witnesses or recorded photographs.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe to newsletter” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .