Your Weekly American Top Ten List

For the uninitiated who want to sing this version around their Christmas tree (also approved for Hanukkah celebrations), here is how the traditional “12 Days” is sung:  You sing each of the song’s 12 lines, in ascending numerical order.   But then you only repeat the “gifts” already received.  

For example:  Start the song with “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a partridge in a pear tree.”  But here is how your verse would sound in mid-song:  “On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six geese-a-laying, five go-o-o-ld rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

 Try that format with today’s creation, below.  Note that singers are expected to dra-a-ag out the syllables on the gift of the “5th Day of Christmas,”in this case “Fi-i-ve Musks-a-trimming.”    

Now:   Your NEW 12 Days of Christmas….

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

–   A Tim Walz fibbing to me

–   Two Cuomos Scheming

–    Three Doug Imhoffs leering

–   Four Trump sneakers selling

–    Fi-i-ive Musks-a-trimming

–      Six Biden pardons

–      Seven Kamalas cackling

–       Eight Putins rattling

–       Nine Hunters grinning

 –       Ten mics for Schumer

  –      Eleven million migrants

–     Twelve fake newspapers 

 “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

“YOUR WEEKLY AMERICAN TOP TEN LIST” WILL BE ON HIATUS FOR THE HOLIDAY.   WE WILL BE BACK IN DECEMBER.

                                                        BLESSINGS TO ALL FOR THANKSGIVING…

10. Congressional “Squad” will declare that “Black Friday” sales are arranged exclusively for the benefit of capitalist predators.

9. Since they are not back in the White House yet…  Will McDonald’s be catering for Mar-a-Lago?

8. Prices have gotten so that even George Soros and Bill Gates are switching from turkey to tofu and Brussel sprouts.

7.  At a Portland “birthing center,” “Pregnant people” in labor on Thanksgiving Day will be gifted with gender-fluid “Liberace-style” robes.

6. Insurance salesman in Springfield, Missouri:   “Honey, my cousins are here…  please don’t refer to them as ‘that migrant caravan’ again.”

5. On Wednesday, the President is hoping that, while pardoning a large turkey…     no one will notice low-key clemencies for Hunter and Hillary.

4.  Kim Jong-un:    “With enough kimchi, we can divvy up this turkey among 26 million loyal North Korean subjects.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        3. Another whopper from Gov. Timothy Walz:   “We personally hunted for all this food today!”

2.  Prince Harry and Meghan:    “We applaud all concerned citizens of the world, who join us in celebrating a ‘sustainable’ Thankgiving this year.”          (MESSAGE FAXED FROM THEIR PRIVATE JET, CIRCLING LAX WHILE THE COUPLE FINISHES THEIR THANKSGIVING DINNER.)

               …and the NUMBER ONE SIGN THAT THANKSGIVING IS “DIFFERENT” IN 2024 is….

1. New York Times editorial headline to read:  “GRATITUDE, FOR WHAT?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “​DESERVING WOMEN CANDIDATES and VOTER MISOGYNY​“

                    by Kamala Harris​ and Doug​las Imhoff  

9. “GLAMOR TIPS FROM ABC’S ‘THE VIEW’“

8. “HOW TO SUCCEED IN POLITICS ​AFTER ONLY 1,459 OUTDOOR RALLIES”

                                       by Donald J. Trump

7. “WHAT BORDER PROBLEM?”

                        by Alejandro Majorkas

6. “22% IS REAL INFLATION, AFTER ALL”

                         by Janet Yellen, Charles Schumer and Jerome Powell

5. “BARACK AND BIDEN:   AN APPRECIATION”

               by Ali Khameni, Supreme Leader, Islamic Republic of Iran

4. “DRESS FOR (Pickleball) SUCCESS”

             by U.S. Senator John Fetterman

3. “HOW TO FEED YOUR FAMILY IN THE AGE OF BIDENFLATION”

             by Dr. Jill Biden

  2.  “PRESIDENTIAL TRANSGENDERISM THROUGH THE CENTURIES”

               by ​ (OUTGOING!) Assistant Secretary “Rachel” Levine

… and the NUMBER ONE ‘HOLIDAY’ BOOK WRITTEN by the “UN-” SELF-AWARE is…

1. “YOU CAN TELL A GENTLEMAN BY HIS TAMPONS: A Campaign Memoir”                                                                                                                                                                                                               by Timothy Walz

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  “Let’s be honest, why would Montana cowboys keep electing a liberal like me to the U.S. Senate, just ‘cause I have a crew cut?”

9.  “AOC can only take you so far, even in New York.”

8. “Most of the brothers just aren’t buying that ‘gender fluidity​‘ stuff.”

7.   “I just couldn’t get around the image of Bill Clinton and Andrew Cuomo, grinning in my ladies’ locker room.”

6.    “Which would you choose:   the same bag of groceries for $100… or for $130 ??”

5.     “I ​just wanted to be left alone to keep my gas-powered car.”

4.      “There were too many dang coal miners in my state.”

3.     “Maybe I got dumped just in time.”       –Joseph Biden

2.   “Those Keystone Pipeline workers still want their jobs back.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  …and the NUMBER ONE HONEST EXPLANATION for the ELECTION RESULTS is :                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 1. “​I knew there’d be a backlash against re-naming the Cleveland Indians.”  – US Sen. Sherrod Brown

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  Frightening “Delaware Zombie,” replete with electrodes and hair plugs.

9.  A cackling combination “border-czarina-and-tax-chugging-vampiress,” already eviscerating Americans’ savings and budgets as VP.    Accessories:  flowing black cape and a mock “nuclear football” to toss around.

8. (this one’s too easy) The Governor of Minnesota appears in a 6-foot Tampon costume.   Accessories:  a classroom of normal, innocent 6th grade boys.

7. Nancy Pelosi “Confused Alien” costume and mask.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        6.   “Migrant fugitive” costume.  Accessories: US Treasury check, free phone, Medicaid card, free housing voucher, black-market revolver, and a “Majorkas for President” button.

5. “Oversized Hands” costume, with your choice of Andrew Cuomo or Bill Clinton mask.

4. U.S. Senator John Fetterman as Uncle Fester.

3. RFK Jr. mask, with simple white coat and stethoscope

2. U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren identifies (in costume) as “John Smith,” just to underscore Pocahontas’ 17th century “gender fluidity.”

…and the NUMBER ONE COSTUME from HALLOWEEN 2024 is…

1. Ex-Congresswoman Liz Cheney mask.   Accessories: Michael Dukakis’ helmet and tank.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “THE EVE OF DESTRUCTION”   –  ‘J.D. and the Hillbillies’ devote an entire ballad to the wars started and lives lost by Harris-Biden blunders

9. “WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO”    – Joseph Biden sings to wife Jill, asking for an 11 AM wake-up call

8. “DOWN IN THE BOONDOCKS”   – ‘Kamala and the Transitions’ complain and whine that that they must campaign in the backwaters of Georgia, Pennsylvania and North Carolina, where they might run into “real” deplorable Americans

7.  “WE GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS PLACE”    –     Tim Walz exits the National Guard before his unit deploys to Iraq

6.   “I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR EVERYTHING”   –     Kammy and Timmy harmonize about ending the inflation they created, closing the border they opened and reversing positions on fracking, health policy and women’s sports

5. “YOU’RE HAVIN’ MY BABY”    – ‘Dougie and the Playboys’ croon on…

4. “I’M ON FIRE”         – Gwen Walz can’t get enough of that “burning tires smell” during husband Tim’s week of riots and arson in Minneapolis

3.    “I GOT THE SHERIFF”      –   During the ABC debate, anchor David Muir gleefully ‘fact checks’ Mr. Trump with erroneous data, but allows the Democrat to repeat falsehoods, unchecked.

2.  ” DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?”       -Kamala, Joseph and Janet Yellen can’t believe that flooding the economy with trillions of printed dollars could lead to 21% inflation over three years 

…and the NUMBER ONE ‘Bill-BORED’ HIT for LATE OCTOBER 2024 is… 

1. “THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN”   –   the Barbershop Quartet of ‘Vlad, Xi, Kim and the Supreme Leader’ are stunned to learn that one candidate for president might create a hypersonic missile and ‘Iron Dome’ defense for the United States

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  What is more important to you, bailing out looters and rioters, or delivering life-saving vaccines to the American people?

9.  Thinking about the Catholic vote, would it be smarter to skip the Al Smith dinner…. or to attack the Knights of Columbus at a Senate hearing?

8.  This Halloween, do you think someone who promises huge tax increases has earned the right to wear a Dracula costume?

7.  Have you ever personally handed a Tampon to a 12-year old boy?

6.  If men can get pregnant, can dogs give birth to bison?

5.  President Obama bought a huge Martha’s Vineyard mansion just feet from the Atlantic Ocean.    Does that make him a “climate denier?”

4.  Do you think that an hour of “Paint Ball” qualifies you to claim “combat” experience?

3.  Quickly now:  D.E.I….     or merit and qualifications??

2.  When you were a child, how much pro-Marxist propaganda did you get around the dinner table?

                      …and the TOP “LIGHTNING ROUND” QUESTION WE’D LIKE to SEE ASKED of CANDIDATES for  PRESIDENT and VICE PRESIDENT is…

1.   In ten seconds or less: what causes inflation?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

    10   AMERICA, LAND OF THE HANDOUT…   HOME OF THE EASILY OFFENDED 

9.    I LOVE MY BOSS.    I’M SELF-EMPLOYED.

      8.   THE WELFARE OF HUMANITY IS ALWAYS THE ALIBI OF TYRANTS

7.   THE FIRST POCAHONTAS NEVER RAISED MY TAXES

6.     WHAT DID YOU MISS MOST?   THE PEACE, THE PROSPERITY, OR ME?

5.    TAMPONS FOR SCHOOL BOYS!   CATCH “WALZ FEVER” YOURSELF!

4.    I THOUGHT SOCIALISM MADE SENSE, BUT THEN I TURNED NINE

3.     HONK IF YOU LIKE PEACE AND QUIET

2.    RE-ELECT INFLATION, WAR, OPEN BORDERS AND CRIME.

…and the NUMBER ONE BUMPER STICKER SPOTTED on AMERICAN HIGHWAYS is…

1. REPUBLICANS BELIEVE EVERY DAY IS JULY 4TH.   DEMOCRATS BELIEVE EVERY DAY IS APRIL 15TH.

                                                                                                                                        -Ronald Reagan

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.     ​Does “Minnesota Nice” include burning down police stations?

9.    Were you suspicious when your Chinese-paid trips were led by tour guide ​Cai Qi, secretary of the CCP Central Committee?

8.   If your wife needed to open the windows to smell burning tires during your ​week of riot​s…   what was she cooking?

7.  During the Trump years, what bothered you more, the peace or the prosperity?

6.   In this envelope, I have news​.    One of your kids is demanding sex change surgery.    Do you have the right to open it?

5.  Who is the best at forcing taxpayers to leave their state, Gavin Newsom, Kathy Hoch​ul or you?

4.    Can you identify which one of these is a “weapon of war?”​   You sure?

​      3.   What is more important to you: applause from Congresswoman Ilhan Omar or a victory over terrorism for Israel??

2.   Do you think you will drift into “knucklehead” mode less often as vice president than you do as governor?

…and the NUMBER ONE DEBATE LINE LEFT in the BRIEFING BOOK DURING the V.P. DEBATE is…

1.    Did you bring me a Tampon​, Tim?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

SEVEN OF THE COURSES BELOW ARE ACTUALLY BEING TAUGHT AT THE UNIVERSITIES/ COLLEGES LISTED.   THE OTHER THREE COURSES WERE MADE UP BY YOUR EDITOR.    TO SEE IF YOU CAN IDENTIFY  WHICH COURSES ARE REAL, SEE THE P.S. AT THE END OF THE TOP TEN LIST.

Thanks to YOUNG AMERICA’S FOUNDATION for their annual survey of crazy college courses, which provided the real courses below, and hundreds of others.

10. Music and Socialism  – Brown University

9. Settler Colonialism Across Our Solar                       

             System    –     University of Alaska at Fairbanks

8. The Queer Bible     – Swarthmore College

7. Howard Zinn, Kamala Harris & Franz Fanon:  Synthesis for a Humane Future     – Sarah Lawrence College

6. Feminism Without Women   -Yale University

5.  Woke Nature:  Towards an Anthropology of Non-Human Beings   – Carleton College

4. Street Dance Activism:  Co-choreographic Praxis as Activism     – Harvard University

3.  Anthropology 101:   Cannibalism, Shamanism and Alterity       -Pomona College

2.  The Historiography and Intersectionality of Me-Too, Imperialism and Predatory Capitalism     –  Community College of the Ozarks

…and the NUMBER ONE NUTTY COURSE on COLLEGE CAMPUSES THIS AUTUMN, 2024, is:

1.  Critical Fat Studies     – Northwestern University

PS:  Numbers 2, 7 and 9 were created out of whole cloth by your editor.   Fakes.    The other seven college courses are really being offered and “taught” on America’s campuses.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .