Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.   38% of daily Stolichnaya vodka drinkers believe they voted for Peter the Great.

 9.   97% of Russian voters agreed that they “could have delivered a better dossier for only $6 million” to Hillary.

 8.  38% of voters on the Kamchatka peninsula want their region renamed “Mar-a-Lago,” to improve the weather.

 7.   17% of Putin voters based their choice on his famous vocal version of “Blueberry Hill.”     (Google this for yourself)

 6.   43% of Putin voters believe he will quickly dump Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev in favor of Maria Sharapova.

 5.    100% of all Russian voters do not believe Senator Elizabeth Warren descended from Siberian Eskimos.

 4.   64% of Putin voters believe “the President would never invade Crimea or Ukraine.”

 3.  87% of these voters get their information from Russian television.

 2.  18% of all Russians surveyed think that Putin’s Tweets are “un-presidential.”

 …and the NUMBER ONE SURPRISING RESULT from RUSSIAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION EXIT POLLS is:

 1.    53% of anti-Putin voters would move to Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, if they could.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended to provide humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.  To susbcribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit  www.gipperten.com .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016, 2017 and 2018.   Enjoy!

Gipperten.com and Your Weekly American Top Ten list wish our readers a blessed Holy Week and a happy Passover season.

10.  THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE WAS CREATED TO PREVENT THE ELECTION OF A WOMAN PRESIDENT.

 9.  ANGRY REDNECKS TOLD THEIR WIVES TO VOTE FOR TRUMP.    TOO BAD WE DON’T HAVE THE SECRET BALLOT IN AMERICA.

 8.  AS YOU KNOW, THE KU KLUX KLAN IS REALLY BIG IN WISCONSIN.

 7.  THERE WERE TOO MANY PEOPLE WHO, LIKE, DON’T WANT INDIAN-AMERICANS TO SUCCEED.  YOU KNOW, PEOPLE                                                     

                            LIKE NIKKI HALEY AND  BOBBY JINDAL.

 6.  ILLEGALS GOT US THE POPULAR VOTE, JUST NOT THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE. 

 5.  WE SURE DIDN’T GET OUR $12 MILLION WORTH OF DIRT ON TRUMP FROM THAT DOSSIER.

 4,  SOME VOTERS ACTUALLY OBJECTED TO MY ACID WASHING OF 33,000 GOVERNMENT EMAILS.

 3.  NOT ENOUGH OF THE “LITTLE PEOPLE” GRASPED THAT I AM THEIR SAVIOR.

 2.  OF COURSE TRUMP CARRIED FLORIDA.   ALL THOSE MILLIONS OF CADDIES AND WAITERS AT MAR-A-LAGO VOTED FOR HIM.

…and the NUMBER ONE LATEST EXCUSE for LOSING as TOLD to AUDIENCES in INDIA by HILLARY R. CLINTON is: 

 1.   EXIT POLLS SHOWED I COULD HAVE CARRIED PENNSYLVANIA AND MICHIGAN, IF I HAD ONLY WORN MINI-SKIRTS.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended to provide humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.  To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com . Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.   While you are on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” by scrolling back through postings from 2016, 2017 and 2018.  Enjoy !!

10.​  “I only have three hours.  Should I attend an Andrew Cuomo opera or the Al Sharpton circus?”

 9.   “I don’t see no nightlife here!”   (-voicemail from Wild Avenue on Staten Island)

 8.   “Why ​does NYC allow​ the Elvis impersonators into the Tarzan impersonators contest?”

 7.   “Can you get a permit for human sacrifices in the Bronx?”

 6.  “You’re pulling my leg.  ALL of New York City is now a ‘Safe Space?'”

 5.  “I didn’t expect it, but those National Review guys are really funny after hours.”

 4.  “​I swear, it was a detective who told me that Riverside Park was ‘clothing optional.'”

 3.   “So I can’t own a gun here… ​but how about poison darts?”​

 2.  “I flew all the way to NYC because I heard that this guy DeBlasio was a great stand-up comic.”     (- Tourist from Gander, Newfoundland)

…  and the NUMBER ONE CALL THIS WEEK to the JUST-APPOINTED “EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF NIGHTLIFE” for NEW YORK CITY is:

 1.   “Where is the best place to join the ‘Resistance’ AND meet hot babes?”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended to provide humorous commentary, and is not a source of real news.   To subscribe for free to the “Top Ten,” please visit  www.gipperten.com .   Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016, 2017 and 2018.   Enjoy!

10.   Illegals sporting gang tattoos can join “pot luck” lunch with Mayor ​every Thursday​.

 9.   “Assault” style weapons banned within the city, except for illegal fugitive felons.

​ 8.  ​  “Schaaf” means sheep in German.     Like we’re stunned​. 

 7.    The City of Oakland respectfully asks that ICE and other Federal agents not converse with Oakland residents, except to explain available Federal benefits.

 6.  ​ Tough new “3 murders and you’re out” policy for illegals.

 5.   Apply for your Oakland “no-questions-asked” ID card, get free “NO ONE is ILLEGAL” t-shirt.

 4.   High-wattage megaphones supplied to key city workers, in case ICE agents are sighted unexpectedly.​

 3.  New “dateillegal.gov” Oakland-dating website attracting interest from 47 states

 2.  Visit special City Hall kiosk announcing: “I’m illegal and I vote.”    Get personal ombudsman and social worker assigned to you.

 …and the NUMBER ONE LESSER-KNOWN ASPECT OF OAKLAND MAYOR SCHAAF’S “SANCTUARY CITY” POLICY is:

 1.   Mayor swears she has a “What is Illegal?” tattoo, but coyly says she can’t show it to us.

​

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and not as real news.   To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit www.gipperten.com .

Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.    While on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” lists from 2016, 2017 and 2018.    Enjoy!