Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  Rumors swept through campus that rifle-toting hunters were sighted elsewhere in Vermont, creating ​entirely predictable turmoil among sensitive (snowflake) students.

9.  If Charles Murray is allowed to speak on a campus, what’s next?   An Israeli?   A capitalist?

8.  A paucity of “Safe Spaces” on campus compelled emotionally fragile protesters to find solace in the auditorium.

           Then, presto: ​ Dr. Murray ​showed up​!

7.   Students were hoping for extra credit in Phys-Ed classes by beating down an innocent Middlebury professor.

    ​6.   “We college administrators have no moral right to govern.”  **

5.   Was that Charles Murray, Andy Murray or Arthur Murray we were chasing?

4. Availability of rice pudding on Middlebury meal plan led to uncontrollable “sugar highs” for

                      ​already excitable students. 

5. In a truly “living” Constitution, the First Amendment ​must evolve to accommodate the rights of rioters.

2. This whole thing would never have happened if he was married to Senator Patty Murray.

​

…and the NUMBER ONE PRELIMINARY FINDING BY MIDDLEBURY COLLEGE ADMINISTRATORS is…

   ​

1.​The punishment for all those charged with violence and shouting down Dr. Murray will be “time served”  (that is, attending classes at Middlebury!!).​

                     **  (Actually stated by another Vermont college president, Edward J. Bloustein of Bennington College, in the 1970s.   Bloustein went on to become president                                 of the Rutgers system in NJ).​

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please log on to www.gipperten.com .      Simply complete the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.

While on the website, scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016 and 2017.    Enjoy!!

10.   Do you have an ISIS membership card?

  ___ Yes  ___No ___  Lost mine & wish to replace for $9.99 at Pay Pal

 9.    What is the purpose of your visit to the United States?

 ___North Dakota tourism ___”Business” in populated urban centers  ___Follow-up on mail-order bride purchase

8.    Have you ever been convicted of war crimes?

  __ Yes ___No ___Can’t recall those years clearly   

7.    Were you ever bullied in your Madrassa or middle school? 

___  Yes   ____No  ____Afraid to say  __Only after that legendary food fight

6.     What is your favorite condiment with hummus?

 ___ Curry  ___ Non-GMO Cyanide   __Vermont Maple Syrup (organic please)   ___Cherry-scented ricin

 5.    Where will you be ​domicil​ed during your visit to our country?

 __Cairo, NY    ___Damascus, Virginia  ___Dublin, California ___Bagdad, Florida     ____​Paris, Texas

 ​4.    Are you bringing any of the following agricultural products in to the United States?

 __French brie     __ Polish cabbage  ___Persian caviar  ___Russian gunpowder  __ Exploding Turkish cigars

 3.   Do you love the American people? 

__ Yes  __ No   __Not on the first date   __ I have great lust for all the Americans

2.   What is your favorite American television program?

__Homeland   ___The Love Boat   __Jackass    ___any comedy show on MSNBC

…and the NUMBER ONE “EXTREME VETTING” QUESTION for VISITORS to the UNITED STATES DURING the HILLARY-KERRY-OBAMA-BIDEN YEARS:

1. Have you ever worn explosive devices in your shoes? 

__ Yes  __ No   __ I am a bit fuzzy on my footwear during the disco era

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please log on to  www.gipperten.com .

On the site, you can also scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016 and 2017.    Enjoy !

10.    “THANK YOU FOR THIS W​ELL-DESERVED​ AND OVERDUE​  AWARD. 

           “NOW, LET’S ALL GET BACK TO OUR FAKE NEWS INTERVIEWS  ON THE RED CARPET.”

9.      “THE AWARD FOR CINEMATOGRAPHY GOES TO THE ARTISTE WHO PHOTO-SHOPPED THE PRESIDENT’S LIKENESS ​ON TO A BROWN SHIRT.”

 8.    “THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID IN THESE DANGEROUS TIMES:  NO MORE MICRO AGGRESSIONS AGAINST THOSE COWERING IN FEAR TONIGHT IN                                       COLLEGE ‘SAFE SPACES.'” 

​ 7.    “MY FILM REALLY NEEDED TO BE MADE IN THIS CLIMATE OF OPPRESSION AND DIRECT THREATS TO OUR FIRST AMENDMENT.    INDEED, I COULD                         BE ARRESTED BEFORE I LEAVE THIS STAGE!! ”   

                             (Speaker waits for 14 minutes and departs​ platform without incident.)

 6.     “ISN’T THAT BRANDO’S FRIEND, PRINCESS​ ​ S​ASHEEN​  LITTLEFEATHER?   I HAD NO IDEA THAT NATIVE AMERICANS AVOIDED DESIGNER GOWNS.​”

 5.     “B​LACK TUXEDOS ARE SO GENDER-OPPRESSIVE.​”

  4.      “NO MA’AM,  MGM, PARAMOUNT, FOX AND DREAMWORKS WOULD NOT BE COUNTED IN THE ‘CORPORATE GREED’ CATEGORY.”

 3.     “IF WE JUST TURN DOWN THE AIR CONDITIONING A LITTLE BIT RIGHT HERE AT THE OSCARS, WE CAN DO OUR PART TO HALT GLOBAL WARMING.

           “PLUS, WE’LL HAVE ALL THE A/C WE NEED IN OUR STRETCH LIMO​S​ AND PRIVATE JET TRIPS BACK HOME.”

 2.     “NO, THAT’S SEAN PENN, NOT MIKE PENCE, ​HOLLER​ING.”

         …and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD at the 2017 OSCAR CEREMONIES is:

 1.   “JUST BECAUSE I “EARN” $23 MILLION PER FILM DOES NOT MEAN I AM NOT AN OPPRESSED AMERICAN WOMAN.”

To subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” log on to ” www.gipperten.com .”    Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While you are on the site, you can catch up on previous “Top Tens” from 2016 and 2017.   Enjoy!

10.   COTCOTUS (​Comptroller​ of the Currency of the United States)​, OR ​

​ (“Certainly Our Theoretical Climate Objectives will Throttle the United States”)

9.    CYA

8.    US-CSAHIB (Chemical Safety and Hazard Investigative Board); OR​

(“Confederate States of America Health Improvement Board”) (Finally set to sunset on Sept. 30, 2019)  

7.    BYOB (not necessary at GSA Conferences).

6.    FEMA   (Federal Emergency Management Agency); OR ​

(“Fred Eckert Model Ambassadors” program) (Mentoring initiative named in honor of the beloved NY Congressman and Ambassador.) 

5.    MoM  (Memo on Memos; “when Memoranda at your agency become just too voluminous in number​ to manage​“)

4.    FOIL  (Freedom of Information Law) ;  OR (“Fake Our Interest in Legality”)

3.    LOL

2.    NEFTH  (National Endowment for the Humanities); OR

(“Numerous Endeavors to Further Transparency in Haiku”)

…and the NUMBER ONE U.S. GOVERNMENT (Administrative State) ACRONYM is:

1. US-RRB  (United States Railroad Retirement Board);  OR 

​(“Rough Riders Benevolent” society); (Finally set to sunset September 30, 2020)

To subscribe for free to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please subscribe to www.gipperten.com .    Complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While you are on the site, you can scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Tens’ from 2016 and 2017.   Enjoy !

10.   COTCOTUS (​Comptroller​ of the Currency of the United States)​, OR ​

​ (“Certainly Our Theoretical Climate Objectives will Throttle the United States”)

9.    CYA

8.    US-CSAHIB (Chemical Safety and Hazard Investigative Board); OR​

(“Confederate States of America Health Improvement Board”) (Finally set to sunset on Sept. 30, 2019)  

7.    BYOB (not necessary at GSA Conferences).

6.    FEMA   Federal Emergency Management Agency; OR ​

(“Fred Eckert Model Ambassadors” program) (Mentoring initiative named in honor of the beloved NY Congressman and Ambassador.) 

5.    MoM  (Memo on Memos; “when Memoranda at your agency become just too voluminous in number​ to manage​“) 

4.    FOIL  Freedom of Information Law;   OR (“Fake Our Interest in Legality”)

3.    LOL

2.    NEFTH  (National Endowment for the Humanities); OR

(“Numerous Endeavors to Further Transparency in Haiku”)

…and the NUMBER ONE U. S. GOVERNMENT (ADMINISTRATIVE STATE) ACRONYM is:

1. US-RRB  (United States Railroad Retirement Board);  OR 

​(“Rough Riders Benevolent” society); (Finally set to sunset September 30, 2020)

To subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list,” please log on to  www.gipperten.com .     Then, fill out the “subscribe” boxes, and submit.

While you are on the site, you can scroll back to catch up on previous “Top Ten’s from 2016 and 2017. Enjoy!