Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  “ARE YOU SURE HANK DONE IT THIS WAY?’​ – Antony Blinken tries to craft a Henry Kissinger image for himself.

9.   “WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO”​   –  The President calls to Dr. Jill at 10:30, as she departs for the community college.

8.   “MONEY FOR NOTHIN’”​  –   The trillion-dollar “Green New Deal” allows for payoffs to Biden allies and random leftists, but for which ‘climate’ results, exactly?

7.   “EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD”  –  Your Vladimir, ​Xi, Kim​, + Ortega barbershop quartet.

6.  “IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME”​   –    I’d still be ignorant.

5.   “9-TO-5”​   –   “Overtime” in the Oval Office.

4.    “FORTUNATE SON”​ –   Georgetown, Yale Law, then on to collecting $30 million from foreign “dignitaries.”

3.  “DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?”​   –   Kamala calls the evening news anchors to guarantee she’ll be on the ticket.

2.  “JUMPIN’ JACK FLASH”​ –  Trump “documents” prosecutor Jack Smith arranges to be photographed walking from court to buy his own Subway sandwich.

…and the NUMBER ONE POP MUSIC TUNE on BEACH PLAYLISTS this SUMMER is:

1.  “WHAT A FOOL BELIEVES”​   —   For the gullible citizens who agree that Joseph Biden inherited a 9% inflation rate.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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 10. THREE HUNDRED NORMANDY CIVILIANS KILLED IN SURPRISE U.S. ​AND BRITISH RAIDS

​ 9.  PRESIDENT QUICKLY DISMISSES VON RIBBENTROP OFFER OF IMMEDIATE CEASE-FIRE 

 8. LOOKING AHEAD TO ELECTION, PRESIDENT SEEKS TO BURNISH IMAGE AS A STRONG, COMPETENT CHIEF EXECUTIVE

  7. WHY NORMANDY AND NOT PAS de CALAIS?   FORMER DEFENSE SECRETARIES DEBATE.

 6. SOME FEAR D-DAY ATTACK COULD PROVOKE HITLER TO INTERFERE IN U.S. ELECTIONS

 5.  AFTERMATH OF LANDINGS AT UTAH AND OMAHA BEACHES REVEALS UNPRECEDENTED ENVIRONMENTAL DEGRADATION​ AND CONSUMPTION OF FOSSIL FUELS

 4.   DO SECRET MEETINGS WITH ALLIED MILITARY GENERALS WARRANT A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR? CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS ARE PLANNED.

 3.  WASHINGTON POST OBTAINS DOCUMENTS AND SATELLITE IMAGES REVEALING EXACT LOCATIONS OF ALLIED SHIPS, AIRCRAFT AND TROOPS

 2.   IN PLANNING LAVATORIES FOR 156,000 TROOPS, TRANSGENDER N​EEDS FALL BY THE WAYSIDE

                  …and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE if TODAY’S MAINSTREAM MEDIA WAS COVERING the D-DAY LANDINGS is:

 1.  MUSSOLINI, TOJO, HITLER CRITICIZE D-DAY FOR MASSIVE, UNDENIABLE IMPACT ON CLIMATE CHANGE

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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10. (Juror:)   “No, I had never heard of Trump or Biden before.  Did they create the ‘Who’s on First’ routine?”

9. “I don’t mind the hair color in the least…   but all those Diet Cokes?”

8. “Your Honor, I love how well you wear those form-fitting robes.”

7.   “The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.    Is that a multiple choice question?

6.   “Nope, this sheet does not have the judge’s instructions….   but it does look like the jury’s lunch orders.”

5.   “I think those are Biden-Harris shorts under those robes.”

4.   “I keep confusing the adult film star and juror #7.”

3.   “So MICHAEL Cohen is NOT the Mets’ owner?  I never connected lying with baseball, anyway.”

2.  (Man on cell phone…)  “Thank you, Mr. President.   But we were just doing our jobs.”

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD in MANHATTAN COURTROOMS THIS WEEK was…

1.  “Please tell me again.   What was the crime here?”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. No, that can’t be a tiny I.V. running up Joseph’s sleeve…. can it?

9.  A tiny earphone for the president.​   (How else could he hear us?)

8. T​o avoid disinformation, the Biden team will control​ all microphone​s.

7.  Questions and topics to be developed by Hakeem Jeffries, ​Rachel Maddow, Kamala, Stephen Colbert and Kim Jong-un.

6.  Soft candle lighting only, please.

5.  Simultaneous live translations of the President’s responses in Spanish, Chinese, Korean, Russian, Tagalog, Hindi, Japanese, Afrikaans, Swahili, Haitian Creole, Yiddish, but most importantly…  in clear, intelligible ENGLISH.

4.  Three 20-minute coffee or chilled Red Bull breaks.

3.  The President will require two nurses…    err….   Secret Service associates…   at his lectern.

2.  Only President Biden will receive debate questions in advance.   (Hey, CNN did that for Hillary, right?)

… and the NUMBER ONE DEMAND the BIDEN TEAM is MAKING PRIOR to the UPCOMING PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES is…

1. ​To avoid “cackling eruptions,” Kamala will remain in a secure. sound-proof isolation booth until sign-off.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  Traffic will ebb so much, you’ll be able to ride your skateboard through the Midtown Tunnel.

9.   The Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) will be able to pay lots more subway cleaners $100,000 pensions when they retire.

8.  Millions will return to the safety of the subways.

​     7.  Look for this new phenomenon:  “canoeing commuters.”

6.    The MTA will be able to keep ignoring the 40% of Bronx bus riders who refuse to pay their fares.

5.   Once $1 billion is collected in new tolls/taxes, the fourth car in every subway train will be the “dining carriage.”   The sixth car will offer cannabis sales.

4.   MTA leaders can finally upgrade to new limousines.

3.  When a restaurant loses most of its dining traffic, you can always score a good table (until they close).

2.  What else could unite the teachers’ union and a Republican Borough President in opposition? 

…and the NUMBER ONE BENEFIT PROGRESSIVES are EXPECTING from NYC’S NEW “CONGESTION PRICING” TAX/TOLL is:

1. Who knew the price of used helicopters would spike over this?

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. To avoid handling checks personally, have Hunter or one of your officially-recognized grandchildren in the receiving line..

9.  Serve the finest wines Delaware has to offer.

8.  To avoid embarrassing a foreign dictator, offer Venmo as a more genteel way of transmitting those eye-popping “gratuities.”

7. Scream about  “THE THREAT TO DEMOCRACY!,”  …then mingle.

6. Many guests, naturally, will appreciate the ability to sniff the hair of younger females.

5.  After the entrée is served, nothing says “Event concludes 9PM sharp” more than changing into pajamas for dessert.

4. If the crowd is lingering after hours, play the “Kamala cackling” audio tape, & watch ’em clear out.”

3. Make sure you have an ample supply of “ol’ 45s” ready for the Victrola.

2. Remind emcee Pete Buttigieg to park his bicycle in a visible spot, in the event a camera emerges.

…and the NUMBER ONE JOSEPH BIDEN PARTY TIP is:

1. Only Bidens get in free.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.   “Sure I know what it means.   It means the subway from the East River to that sea by Coney Island.”

9. “Of course I’m a student.   Today, I learned that crime has no consequences here.”

8. ” Don’t TAZE me, bro!”  (Uttered to a college maintenance guy…)

7. “If we call this squatting, can we stay longer?”

6. “Palestine?  Isn’t that place in Ohio that Biden won’t visit?”

5. “This is the bravest thing I’ve done​ since switching genders twice in one month.”

4. “You sayin’ that expulsion really means expulsion?”

3. “Sarge, you were right.   They don’t shower at all.”

2. “I’m here for the weed.”

…and the NUMBER ONE COMMENT OVERHEARD DURING POLICE ACTIONS to REMOVE VANDALS from the COLUMBIA and C.C.N.Y. CAMPUSES is: 

1. “Thank you, Mr. Soros. But should the tents all be identical?”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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      10.   Anti-Israel Triathlon  (even U.S. Senators may compete, calling for “regime change” in the Jewish state, while rapidly repositioning themselves for cameras and microphones).

9. Synchronized Political Prosecutions   (competitions to be hosted in New York City, Atlanta and Washington, D.C.)

8. Speed Skating Across the Russian Border  (an all-weather, winter & summer Olympic event).

7. Combined Women’s / Transgender Powerlifting

6. Trampoline Acrobatics   (all participants will receive Ivy League university credits and ​student loan “forgiveness”).

5. High Wire Competitive Ballet  (executives seeking re-election try to persuade innocent voters that they celebrated both Passover and Ramadan this spring).

4.  No-Bail, No-Prosecution Looting  (Judges may award bonus points for verifiable acts of arson).

3.  Open-Water Swim  (Competition held in the Rio Grande River.   Medalists awarded three-year billeting at NY’s Roosevelt Hotel.​   All swimmers receive guaranteed income, immediate voting rights & American-made, “sustainable” motor vehicles.).

2. “​Defying Police While Occupy​ing to Support H​amas Genocide”    (Similar to bullriding, pro-murder “protesters” seek to ​physically defy arrest by police for as long a duration as possible).

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW OLYMPIC SPORTING EVENT BEING REQUESTED by the BIDEN ADMINISTRATION is….

1. Power Grifting   (competitions to be hosted by Red China, Russia, Ukraine and Qatar.  Medal ceremony in Rehoboth Beach, Delaware).

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10.  NPR FINALLY SUSPENDS RIGHT-WING INGRATE​  –  New York Town Crier

​  9.  A VIBRANT PRESIDENT BOUND​S FROM ​THE STAGE WITH NO​ VISIBLE ASSISTANCE​   

                                                                           -Rehoboth Penny Saver

​  8.  IF ELECTED SPEAKER, MARJORIE T. GREENE PLEDGES TO NEVER WEAR THE WHITE CHICKEN SUIT IN PUBLIC

– Alpharetta Constitution

​  7.  DURING WAVE OF SHOCKING ANTI-SEMITISM, NPR CEO REFOCUSES NEWS COVERAGE ON “TRANSPHOBIA”

– Borough Park Bugle

​   6.  MR. BIDEN PROMISES SON THAT ANY NEW “WEALTH TAX” WILL NOT IMPACT FAMILY INFLUENCE-PEDDLING INCOME​   

– Investor’s Quarterly

​   5.  LIBERAL NPR EDITOR SAYS HIS PEERS INCLUDE 87 DEMOCRATS AND ZERO REPUBLICANS.  CEO RESPONDS: “AND YOUR POINT?”​ 

                                           – Milwaukee Times-Picayune

​   4.  VICE PRESIDENT SAID TO ASK ABOUT PROXIMITY OF TEHERAN TO THE SOUTHERN BORDER  – New Braunfels Evening News

3. UNKNOWN TO MOST NEW YORKERS, SENATOR GILLIBRAND STILL LEADING IN POLLS FOR RE-ELECTION​   – Plattsburgh Freeman

​    2.  BREAKING: CONSPIRACY THEORISTS SEE “IDENTITY POLITICS,” AS PRESIDENT SWITCHES FROM CHOCOLATE CHIP TO TUTTI FRUTTI ICE CREAM

– Burlington Gazette and Intelligencer

…and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE WE WON’T BE READING THIS WEEK is…

1. GOVERNOR HOCHUL SIGNS STATE BUDGET OF $237 BILLION TO SERVE 19.5 MILLION NEW YORKERS.     FLORIDA TO S​PEND JUST $117 BILLION​ FOR 23 MILLION PEOPLE.     – Roosevelt Island Recorder

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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    ​10.  In some states, get ready to stand behind new migrants to cast your vote. Remember, “no one is illegal.”

       9.  Egg prices have doubled in just 30-odd months-of-Biden.  Better scramble.

8.   Planning that family vay-cay?   Gas costs 50% more now.  Maybe switch to a movie and an ice cream cone.

7.  School counselors are convincing your son Bubba that he’s really a Cynthia.

6.   CNN is telling you that “another young man has been killed by the police.”   (Reality: the decedent first emptied his 11 shot-pistol AT the police).

5.   Quick!  Begin saving for that high-ticket electric car Biden and his EPA are foisting on you.

4.  You may need help explaining to your third-grader that her share of our national debt is $83,000.

3.  Congratulations!  Your Biden White House now considers you “rich.”    Now, pay your “fair share” in taxes.

2.  Heading to the NY Times best-sellers list:  Squatting.The New Affordable Housing. 

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY THAT “PROGRESSIVES” are SAYING “WELCOME to SPRINGTIME” is…

1. ​ Ladies:  In your locker room, that really is a naked man leering at you.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .