Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10. High-paying new jobs for teachers of Danish and Inuit.

9.  Pizza Hut to roll out tasty six-slice “blubber” pies nationwide.

8.  Imagine those red, American-made “Gor Greenland Godt Igen”  (​“Make Greenland Great Again,​” in Danish) hats.

7.  The subway from Nuuk to Sisimiut is crime free.   Take that, Chicago.

6.   Quick, buy stock in Air Greenland.

5.    The NBA could expand to include the “Nuuk Musk Oxen.”

4.  Greenlanders seem to have the solution for the homeless problem in winter.

3.    Who doesn’t want a piece of​ “The Igloos at Trump Fjords?”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2.   Leading candidate for governor of the scenic new Territory of Greenland campaigns on slogan: “Og, hvis valgt, jeg lover at holde disse forfærdelige Kathy Hochul ‘trængsel prissætning’ vejafgifter ud af Grønland .”    (“And, if elected, I promise to keep those horrible Kathy Hochul ‘congestion pricing’ tolls out of Greenland!”).

…and the NUMBER ONE BENEFIT WHEN GREENLAND BECOMES an AMERICAN TERRITORY is…

1. No American beauty pageant contestant need ever again fear the swimsuit competition from another “Miss Greenland.” 

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. “…And thanks to you, the American people who have entrusted us with this sacred authority…  my family and I have already scheduled ‘business’ meetings with some of the deepest-pocketed, most corrupt dictators in the world…”         

                                                 -JBiden,  2021

9. “Echoing the orations of Cicero, Marilyn Monroe once whispered to me…..”                                                                                                                                                                                                                     -JFK, 1961

     8.”We will continue the economic policies of President Hoover, but re-package them as a ‘Great Plan,’ ..er..let’s try:   a ‘New Deal….'”                                                                                                              -FDR, 1933

7. “The hostages have been released, so I have ordered the B-52s to return home.”                                                                                                                                                                                                       -RReagan, 1981

6.     “I said, ‘no new FAXES.'”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             – George H. W. Bush, 1989

    5.”Let me first express my gratitude for the love and support I have enjoyed from my family, beginning with Monica, ​… I mean Hillary….”                                                                                             – WJClinton, 1997

4. “The only thing we have to fear…. are those major bad boys: Adolph, Tojo and Benito.”                                                                                                                                                                                            -FDR, 194​1

3. “With Greenland unavailable this year of our Lord 1803, I am cobbling together an alternative agreement, this one with with France.                                                                                     With any luck, that could amount to a genuine Purchase of Louisiana.  Let me re-work that….”  

                                                                                                           -TJefferson, 1803

2. “And for those of you who think my middle initial should stand for something, I say ‘s—.’”

–                                                             -Harry S Truman, 1949

…and the NUMBER ONE SPEECH WRITER LINE LEFT OUT of an INAUGURAL ADDRESS is…

 1,            “Our long national nightmare is over….    but oh boy, is anyone more relentlessly ambitious than that Nelson Rockefeller?”                                                                                                                   – GRFord, 1974

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

U. S. Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) has issued his “Festivus Report,” replete with over $1 trillion in wasteful & unnecessary Federal spending. Seven of the examples below are from Sen. Rand’s report, but three were made up by your faithful editor. Guess which three are phony… it won’t be easy!  (see answers at bottom).

10. HHS spent $419,470 on a “study” to see if “lonely rats seek cocaine more than happy rats.”

9.  GSA and other agencies spend $10 billion annually on maintaining, leasing and managing empty and nearly-empty Federal office buildings.

8.   The Department of Agriculture granted Gavin Newsom’s “Plumpjack Winery” $7.1 million to encourage winemaking in central Greenland.

7.   The Department of State wasted $3 million on “Girl Centered Climate Action” in Brazil.

6.    The National Endowment for the Arts underwrote a “Bearded Ladies Cabaret,” featuring a show of crossdressers on ice skates, focused on climate change.

5.   At the encouragement of US Sen. Bernie Sanders, the Department of Commerce gave the Vermont state government $3.4 million to “encourage transgender New Englanders to become involved in the growing, sustainable maple syrup industry.“

4.   The Department of State issued $2.1 million to the nation of Paraguay for “border security.”

3.    The Department of Energy spent $15.5 billion to push Americans to buy electric vehicles, even if they cannot afford them or have no interest in them.

2.   DOT’s Urban Mass Transit Administration granted Hawaii $7.8 billion to initiate “under-the-Pacific” tunnels that will eventually connect all four of the state’s      most populous islands with subway and rail freight service.

… and the NUMBER ONE MOST EGREGIOUS EXAMPLE of WASTEFUL FEDERAL SPENDING is…

1.     A Florida man stole $8 million in Covid-19 relief funds to buy “Sweetheart Island” for himself, among other personal purchases.   

Numbers 8, 5 and 2 were NOT in Sen. Rand’s report, and are phony.   All the others are true, actual examples of Federal waste.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. Stick the taxpayers with the bill for your final “hair plugs tune up” at Walter Reed Hospital

9. Spend more well-deserved time in Delaware

8. Hold a news conference every day until January 20^th (!!)

7.  Sign that executive order requiring the White House Mess and banquet kitchen to serve wines only from Delaware and China

6. Pick a title for my coming presidential memoir, like:    “The Kid from Scranton Cashes In, Big Time“

5. Get staff to find and hunt down any Democrats who have NOT received the “Presidential Medal of Freedom”

4.  Obtain a State of Delaware taxi cab drivers’ license

3.   Check with the boys in China, Ukraine and Moscow to see if continued grifting will be possible from Wilmington

2.   Put my home movie camera to work when Czarina Kamala convenes her first “border security” meeting in the Situation Room   (maybe January 19th?)

…. and the NUMBER ONE JOSEPH BIDEN 2025 RESOLUTION is…

1. Sure, his comments about me were brutal, but be gracious when President Eisenhower gets sworn in

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2025 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .