Your Weekly American Top Ten List

​10.  (Donald​ J. Trump)   Sure, they are unrepentant.   But​ imagine the facial expressions when you pardon Hillary, and then Joseph and James Biden

​  9.  (Barack Obama)    Figure out how to finagle free golf at Mar-a-Lago… 

​  8.   (Adam Schiff)     Now that you are moving from the House to the U.S. Senate, come up with a new and better hoax than Russia collusion

​  7.  (J.D. Vance & Pete Hegseth)    To relax the week before taking your oaths, take a golfing vacation on Taiwan

​  6.  (Bill and Hill)   Come up with a new money-grubbing scheme by February

​  5. (Pete Buttigieg)    Learn a useful skill prior to moving back to South Bend

​  4. (Gov. Kathy Hochul)    Invent new ways to force car drivers in NYC to pay for mass transit boondoggles

​   3.  (Gov. Gavin Newsom)    Build your own border wall, but​ only to keep taxpayers and normal folk from escaping to other states

​  2.  (US Education Secretary nominee Linda McMahon)   Be sure to use wrestling (WWF) metaphors to get US-ED bureaucrats to toe the line

​    …… and the NUMBER ONE RESOLUTION for 2025 is…

​   1.  (Alejandro Majorkas and Kamala Harris)   Finally, take a tour of the Texas border.   Flip a coin to determine which limo you use

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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​10.  For Karin Jean-Pierre: ​ a new job with (finally) some believable material​ to promote

​ 9. ​ For top U.S. jurists:  Red-and-green robes​ ​to be worn through ​ Three Kings Day (January 6th​)

 ​ 8.  For Kim Jong-un:     A new U. S. Ambassador, Dennis Rodman

​  7.  For Hunter Biden:  ​Imagine his “art career” thriving without a White House connection

​  6.  For Kamala Harris:  ​With Whoopi moving to Broadway, “The View” is a venue that prizes both craziness and cackling!

5. For George Stephanopoulos:  A 7-second delay, so ABC staff can save him from defaming again

​  4.  For​ AOC​, Gavin Newsom and ​Elizabeth Warren:  Free tuition to “Economics for Dummies,”  taught by Larry Kudlow and Kevin Hassett

​  3.    For Volodymyr Zelensky:  New military aid from ​NATO members, ​including $99 earmarked for a new suit

2.   Color-coded French and English muzzles for Justin Trudeau

…and the NUMBER ONE CHRISTMAS and HANUKKAH GIFT for 2024 is:

​  1.   ​For Alejandro Majorkas:  a waterfront cabin on the Rio Grande, but with no doorlocks

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  “​I coulda been a contender.”

                                          -Pennsylvania Governor Josh Shapiro, still befuddled as to why candidate Kamala passed him by

​ 9.    “Just consider that hypersonic missile landing in Kyiv as a dry run for St. Nikolaus’ sleighride…”

                                                  Your friend, Vladimir

​ 8. “Dear Mr. President​ (Joe): Thank you ​so much for y​our four years of ​ faithful holiday ‘gratuities’ to our peace-loving nation.    Nevertheless, death to America.”                                                                                                                   -Iranian President ​Masoud Pezeshkian

​ 7. “Dashing through the dreck, in a ​costly E.V. car,”

                                   – Gavin Newsom , ​writing about avoiding “mishaps” in downtown San Francisco

​ 6.  ” Jill and I wish you a merry Presidents’ day.”

                                        – Joseph Biden

5.  ” I was only playing Mrs. Santa Claus.”

                          -Governor Kathy Hochul explains her exploding budget

​  4.  “Th​is university proudly announces new ‘Safe Spaces’ for students celebrating the Winter Solstice.” 

​                                       – University Vice President for Safety, Equity, Diversity, Sustainability and Mumbo-Jumbo.”

​ 3.  “Feliz Navidad ,   from Air Force 2,  circling above the Rio Grande.”       – Border Czarina Kamala Harris

​ 2.   ”We wish you a holiday filled with equity, prior to climate change submerging our beloved oceanfront mansion on Martha’s ​                                               Vineyard.” ​                       – Barack and Michelle

                  ...and the NUMBER ONE CHRISTMAS and HANUKKAH CARD INSCRIPTION is…

1.   “We hope that the aroma of roasting chestnuts and burning tires wafts into your living room, where you meet loved ones under the mistletoe and dangling Tampons.”

                                             – Tim and Gwen Walz

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

For the uninitiated who want to sing this version around their Christmas tree (also approved for Hanukkah celebrations), here is how the traditional “12 Days” is sung:  You sing each of the song’s 12 lines, in ascending numerical order.   But then you only repeat the “gifts” already received.  

For example:  Start the song with “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a partridge in a pear tree.”  But here is how your verse would sound in mid-song:  “On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six geese-a-laying, five go-o-o-ld rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.”

 Try that format with today’s creation, below.  Note that singers are expected to dra-a-ag out the syllables on the gift of the “5th Day of Christmas,”in this case “Fi-i-ve Musks-a-trimming.”    

Now:   Your NEW 12 Days of Christmas….

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

–   A Tim Walz fibbing to me

–   Two Cuomos Scheming

–    Three Doug Imhoffs leering

–   Four Trump sneakers selling

–    Fi-i-ive Musks-a-trimming

–      Six Biden pardons

–      Seven Kamalas cackling

–       Eight Putins rattling

–       Nine Hunters grinning

 –       Ten mics for Schumer

  –      Eleven million migrants

–     Twelve fake newspapers 

 “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2024 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .