10. PM Justin Trudeau: Require that all “escaping” Hollywood celebrities must use Canadian socialized health care system.
9. Barack H. Obama: Finally, I get to play some golf.
8. Donald J. Trump: After January 20th, no more Mr. Nice Guy.
7. Hillary R. Clinton: Now we have the time for that four-month tour of Wisconsin.
6. William J. Clinton: While my darlin’ hangs in Green Bay, I do believe I’ll hold down the fort here in Chappaqua.
5. Raul Castro: Buy some life insurance from a capitalist American corporation.
4. Mayor Bill deBlasio (candidate for re-election): Register all 60,000 NYC homeless by the November election.
3. President Vladimir Putin: Upgrade wardrobe with new shirts for public horseback riding.
2. Mayor Rahm Emanuel: Say one nice thing about the Chicago police prior to next New Year’s eve.
…and the NUMBER ONE RESOLUTION for 2017 is:
1. Kim Jong-un: Practice my dunking with visiting Chicago Bulls.
(basket height may be officially “adjusted,” per North Korean Politburo)
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