Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  Cannabis farm​s

 9.  Critical Race Theory DVDs for grade schoolers

 8.  Unhackable laptops for the First Family

 7.  A pipeline, but in Russia

 6. Five million flammable American flags   (made in China)

 5.  Mail-in ballots for everyone (preferably untraceable)

 4.  Private jets, sequestered near Hollywood

 3.  Wind turbines, but not within a 30-mile radius of the White House or key donors

 2.  Any elective surgery that might possibly improve self-esteem

…and the NUMBER ONE WHITE HOUSE EXAMPLE of “INFRASTRUCTURE” is…

 1. Hair plugs

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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10.  “Outlander” has been slow to return to Netflix.

   9. American imperialists are not allowing millions to move back to Cuba.

    8. There are fewer US diplomats to beam radiation towards.

   7.  Most Cubans wanted the National League All-Stars to win.

   6.  Not enough cop-killing fugitives being given safe harbor in Cuba.

   5.  Embargo has prevented Cuban autos from competing with GM, Ford and Chrysler.

   4.  During COVID, Cuban protesters want more doctors sent overseas.

   3.  Che Guevara t-shirts in short supply due to run on the market by Ivy League professors.

    2.  Cubans don’t need no stinkin’ Internet. 

…and the NUMBER ONE EXPLANATION for the MASS PROTESTS in CUBA FROM the BIDEN ADMINISTRATION is:

    1.   Cubans demanding that Hunter’s “art” show comes to Havana.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10. Any new laptop owned by Hunter, of course​.

9. All Federal contracting businesses started by​ baby​ brother J​im​ Biden​.

8.  ​Any organization or department with the words “equity,” “diversity,” or “intersectionality” in its title.​

7.  ​Sites owned by George Soros, Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Mike Bloomberg and Tom Steyer.​  (They can’t afford the ransom).

6. Wilmington, Delaware’s “Hair Club for Men” franchise.

5. Personal email accounts for Jim Acosta, Katie Couric, Paul Krugman, Nikki Hannah Jones, and Joe Scarborough.

4.  ​The University of Delaware’s special repository for ​Dr. Jill’s Ed.D. thesis.

3. Congresswoman Ocasio’s therapist.

2. Al Gore’s 20,000 kilowatts-per-month mansion.

…and the NUMBER ONE NEW “NO CYBER ATTACKS, PLEASE” ZONE FROM JOSEPH BIDEN is…

1. The thermostat in Randi Weingarten’s hot tub.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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10.  Hunter laptop​s​ ​have been ​confiscated ​as “official secrets​.​”   

 9.  Kamala now also designated as “Czarina of the Northern Border and Yukon territories.”

 8. ​All necessary f​uture​ Federal​ re-education camps to be located in rural Delaware​.​

 7.  Under cover of night, Lafayette Park’s statue of Andrew Jackson to be replaced with 30-foot likeness of “Dr. Jill.”

 6.  In order to vote, really cool tattoos may be substituted for photo ID.

 5. Preventive detention for Jan. 6th protesters to be extended through 2023.

 4.  Full presidential pardon issued to Hillary Clinton.

 3.  First Monday in September henceforth known as “Entitlement Day.”

 2.  A coda to Pride Month​: Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg​ pictured​ on new $3 bill, crossing the Potomac…. (on the Metro, of course!)

…and the NUMBER ONE ANNOUNCEMENT from JOSEPH BIDEN on a SLOW NEWS HOLIDAY WEEKEND is:

 1.  Department of the Interior changes Mount Rushmore to “Four White Dudes National Recreation Area.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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10.  Madam, remember, WE are in charge now.  Don’t say “cages.”

 9.  We know that El Paso’s 800 miles from the real problem.   Your point?

 8. Yes, the north side of the river is the American side.

 7. A sombrero could be misunderstood, I think.

 6.  MS-13 is not a middle school subject.

 5.  “Mi Casa es Su Casa?” How many cots you got in the Vice President’s residence?

 4. The Golden Triangle does not serve fast food.

 3. Let’s try to avoid migrants actually running through the big photo op.

 2. Only open-border fans will be joining us.   No need to say “I am speaking!”

…and the NUMBER ONE TAKE AWAY from the STAFF BRIEFING for KAMALA’s TRIP to the BORDER is:

1. OK, the guy’s in a human trafficking cartel.  He’s still one of our voters.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

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10. Showed off Dr. Jill’s new Air Force One drapes to the Euro-media.​

9. At the Geneva geyser, he asked:   “Are we still in Yellowstone?”

8. During principals-only meeting,  extricate​d​ self from Vladimir’s head lock.

7. ​ Gave himself the best​ free​ vacation of his life​.​

6. ​Courageously condemned that French​ guy​ who slapped ​President Macron.

5.​ Adding to Joe’s “Please Don’t Hack These, Mr. Putin” list, Vlad agreed to exempt a special Delaware​ ice cream parlor.

4.  Learned how to pronounce “garcon.”

3.  Checked with Kamala to get her take on another “Nukes-for-Cash” deal.​

2.  Hair plugs were on good behavior during windswept G-7 photo-op.

…and the NUMBER ONE JOSEPH BIDEN ACHIEVEMENT in EUROPE is:

1. ​ On meeting Mrs. Boris (Carrie) Johnson, he stifled his desire to say:  “Hello again, Maggie.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10.  Vice President declares “I am speaking” and “I’m not finished” to multiple heads-of-state​.​

 9.  Kamala creates new bail fund for MS-13 ​killer​s in El Salvador, if they ” really​, really​ try to stay” in that country​.​

 8.   Finally, the Veep gets a look at our southern border… Twice​ even​, but from 35,000 feet​.​ 

 7.  She ​avoided international incident​ while Guetemalan President Alejandro Giammattei explain​ed​ how Biden-Harris policy caused the crisis at the US border​.​

 6.  During Mexico City press availability, she ​finally refers to “President AMLO​,” after five references to “President AMWAY.”​

 5.  Listening to concerns at a “community meeting” in Honduras, she learned​ that​ a major reason for illegal migration is “limited access to winter sports.”

 4.  Worked the phrase “Y’know, I am part Caribbean myself” into every speech.

 3.  Unscheduled stop at a rural airstrip scored “cases of moonshine tequila” for the White House Mess.

 2.  Mentioning the White House while addressing traffickers and cartel strong men with a bull horn, she impressed with “Mi Casa es Su Casa.”

…and the NUMBER ONE KAMALA ACCOMPLISHMENT DURING HER VISIT to LATIN AMERICA is:

 1. After spirited debate, Costa Rica decided NOT to declare war on the U.S.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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10.  “Look right over there. Tourism is really picking up again!”

 9. “Those south of the border countries just don’t understand gender dysphoria.”

 8. “What’s the real difference between a human smuggler and a concierge​, anyway​?”

 7. “​T​hat guy wading the Rio Grande ​just looks like an​ engineering PhD​, don’t he​?”

 6.  “What do those ranchers have to be so scared about?”

 5. “​That migrant feller’s seaplane is in the shop this week.”​

4.  “The Border Patrol has always had its ​little ​challenges.”

 3. “Th​e turbaned gentleman​ from Yemen scaling the wall makes the best falafels.”

 2. “That wasn’t a 5 year old crying at the border, it was a ​site visit from Mike Bloomberg​.”

…and the NUMBER ONE WAY to AVOID SAYING “CRISIS at the BORDER” is…

1. ​”Those are not cages.   They are open-air timeshares.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

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1. ​

​10.​  Madam V​ice ​P​resident​,​ ​there​’s​ really ​no​ need to visit the border​, is there​?
​  9. ​OK, Mr. President.   We know your ice cream ​flavor ​choice, but…    sprinkles or hot fudge?
  8. Under your “Stimulus” plan,  could the existing miles of Keystone Pipeline convert to mass transit ​use ?
​  7. ​ Madam Press Secretary, ​are those designer ​earrings you are wearing?   
  6.  ​Mr. Biden, with respect, C​ritical ​R​ace ​Theory “training” is certainly infrastructure, isn’t it?
​ 5. ​ Who wrote Kamala’s knee slapping jokes for the Annapolis graduation?​   Really hilarious.​
​ 4.​  Sir, suppose we call the southern border a “​boardwalk​” or a “promenade” to the US?
​ 3.  ​Mr. President, how do you stay so sharp and youthful?
​  2. ​ How is the food on Air Force ​1​ these days?

…and the NUMBER ONE HARD-HITTING QUESTION from the WHITE HOUSE PRESS CORPS this WEEK is:

​  1.  ​Joe, when you meet with Vladimir next month, will Hunter be along for a piece of Nord Stream 2?

(Just kidding, no one in today’s White House Press Corps would ask an actual, inquisitive question like this…..)

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

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10.  Unknown airborne craft in US Navy’s Norfolk air space merely waiting for takeout crabcake orders.

 9.   During his supposed nightly Amtrak commutes to Delaware while in the US Senate, Joseph Biden was actually transported by “progressives” from Neptune.

 8.   Producer Michael Moore wears large baseball hats in order to conceal a disturbing conehead.

 7.  Body of alien recovered from Roswell, N.M. in 1947 found to have counterfeit Food Stamps on his person.

 6. Slow moving flying craft near New York State Fair sponsored by “Re-elect Chuck Schumer” campaign.

5.   UFO crash reveals thousands of frozen vegetarian lasagna meals intended for JFK-LAX flights.

 4.  Intergalactic spokesmodel says his leader felt “obligated to shuttle Congresspersons Ocasio, Tlaib, Omar, Swallwell, Pressley, Nadler and Bowman back home” to the planet Remulac.

 3.  As a gesture of friendship, alien males make sure to wear Biden-style hair plugs.

 2.  Interplanetary visitors “de-saucer” and request “take me to your leader.”  They were whisked directly to Kamala.

…and the NUMBER ONE ADVANCE REVELATION from the GOVERNMENT’S COMING RELEASE of U.F.O. FILES is:

 1.   You were correct—   US Senator Mazie Hirono is not of this earth.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .