- For White House press secretary Karine Jean- Pierre— some believable material
- For Harvey Weinstein — a nice, long prison term in an all-male facility
- For Brittney Griner — voice lessons for her first solo performance of the Star Spangled Banner at a WNBA game
- For Michael Avenatti — a complete collection of Donald J. Trump “superhero” trading cards
(exchangable for cigarettes in prison)
- For Kamala — a special GPS that never strays from the Rio Grande River region
- For Joseph Biden — a promise from Hunter to enter the seminary
- For Brian Stelter & Chris Cuomo — new “gigs” co-anchoring the evening “news” in Pyong Yang, North Korea (will work for food?)
- For Gavin Newsom & Kathy Hochul — an endless caravan of rich people willing to be taxed ruthlessly
- For DHS Secretary Alejandro Majorkas — a well-honed poker face for those moments when you simply have to lie to Congress
….and the NUMBER ONE CHRISTMAS OR HANUKKAH GIFT FOR a CELEBRITY is….
1. For Chuck Schumer – a wind-powered, portable microphones-and-cameras set that will follow him anywhere
MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HANUKKAH from “YOUR WEEKLY AMERICAN TOP TEN LIST!”
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