- MR. BIDEN SAID TO BELIEVE IT’S RFK’S FATHER RUNNING AGAINST HIM
- AIDES REVEAL THAT VICE PRESIDENT’S FAVORITE ASSIGNMENT IS AS HIP-HOP DANCER
- SECRETARY BUTTIGIEG PLANNING TO SYNCHRONIZE NEXT BABY ADOPTION WITH THE LATEST TRANSPORTATION CATASTROPHE
- TO DRAMATIZE HIS FEAR OF CLIMATE CHANGE, JOHN KERRY PERSONALLY THREW TOMATO SOUP AT OVAL OFFICE PAINTINGS
- SHELTERING IN REHOBOTH BEACH, DR. JILL TESTS POSITIVE FOR POTOMAC FEVER, NOT COVID
- HOUSING SECRETARY FUDGE LIKES THE SOUND OF “CZARINA” MORE THAN HER ACTUAL TITLE
- UPON SEEING KAMALA HONORING THE “50TH ANNIVERSARY of HIP-HOP,” JOE ASKED: “IS IT TIME FOR THAT EASTER EGG ROLL AGAIN?”
- NANCY PELOSI DECLARES FOR RE-ELECTION, DESPERATE TO FINALLY ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING
- NASHVILLE UTILITY CALCULATES THAT CARBON FOOTPRINT OF AL GORE’S COMPOUND EXCEEDS THAT OF ENTIRE CITY OF MEMPHIS
…and the NUMBER ONE HEADLINE MAINSTREAM MEDIA WON’T be USING THIS WEEK is:
- IN NEWEST LAPTOP DISCOVERY, HUNTER COMPLAINS ABOUT BIDEN-FLATION STEALING TWO MONTHS OF BRIBERY INCOME
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