Your Weekly American Top Ten List

10.  $​16​ million to monitor the meetings, whereabouts, communications and statements of former President Trump​, just like the old days.​

 9. $3 million to replicate Nancy Pelosi’s ​designer ​San Francisco freezer in her Washington office.

 8.  $1.1 billion for 13 new Gulfstream G-700 private jets, to enable Biden administration leaders and environmentalists to bypass commercial airline delays when ​rush​ing​ to​ climate change conferences​.

 7. $250,000 for a solar powered, portable, water-proof microphone​ system​ for US Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY)​,​ so he can issue​ constant​ pronouncements to media​,​ 24/7.

 6.  $6 million for additional “nuclear footballs,” to be issued at the discretion of Vice President Harris.

 5.  ​ $2.1 billion for pogo sticks to enable female varsity athletes to compete with biological males (made necessary by passage of the “Equality Act”).

 4. $500,000 for new business suits for Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY).

 3.  $3.2 billion in “stimulus” checks for felons confined to prison  (oh, wait….   the House bill actually DOES include this!).

 2.  Addendum to the $100 million towards a BART tunnel to serve billionaires in Silicon Valley is​ $900 million earmarked for a high speed, light-rail tunnel connecting K Street lobbying firms with the US Senate Majority Leader’s suites.

 1. “Fiscal impact” clause ​in bill ​states​ that total costs “may not exceed $1.9 trillion, or $40 gazillion, whichever is more…”

10.  $​16​ million to monitor the meetings, whereabouts, communications and statements of former President Trump​, just like the old days.​

 9. $3 million to replicate Nancy Pelosi’s ​designer ​San Francisco freezer in her Washington office.

 8.  $1.1 billion for 13 new Gulfstream G-700 private jets, to enable Biden administration leaders and environmentalists to bypass commercial airline delays when ​rush​ing​ to​ climate change confere​nces​.

 7. $250,000 for a solar powered, portable, water-proof microphone​ system​ for US Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY)​,​ so he can issue​ constant​ pronouncements to media​,​ 24/7.

 6.  $6 million for additional “nuclear footballs,” to be issued at the discretion of Vice President Harris.

 5.  ​ $2.1 billion for pogo sticks to enable female varsity athletes to compete with biological males (made necessary by passage of the “Equality Act”).

 4. $500,000 for new business suits for Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY).

 3.  $3.2 billion in “stimulus” checks for felons confined to prison  (oh, wait….   the House bill actually DOES include this!).

 2.  Addendum to the $100 million towards a BART tunnel to serve billionaires in Silicon Valley: ​ $900 million earmarked for a high speed, light-rail tunnel connecting K Street lobbying firms with the US Senate Majority Leader’s suites.

…and the NUMBER ONE LESSER-KNOWN ITEM in the $1.9 TRILLION “STIMULUS” BILL is:

 1. “Fiscal impact” clause ​in bill ​states​ that total costs “may not exceed $1.9 trillion, or $40 gazillion, whichever is more…”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “What the &%$# is going on here?       -At breakfast in his mansion, the Governor senses that the oatmeal has arrived at 103 degrees, not the required 104.5.

 9. “You have not felt my wrath. I can ruin your life…..    ​Just kidding​, Mom.”

  8. “If we can just get the rich to ‘contribute’ a bit more, we can fully fund the governor’s mansion staff, and a new fleet of state choppers and limos.”

 7. “Sure, Chris, my brutha:   I am single and ready to mingle.   Does CNN have a “Heartless Bachelor” reality show?”

 6. “Who made this guy an arbiter of morality?”   — Andr​e​w reacts to the Cardinal’s legislative agenda.

 5.  “As I move about, from Buffalo to Long Island, I frequently communicate with my subjects.”

  4. “This &#$% pool is over-chlorinated.”   – The Governor takes some free time on the mansion grounds.

 3. “Assemblyman, how about we take a nice, long drive over the Mario M. Cuomo Bridge, if you get my meaning?”

 2. “Look it up.  No governor has ever been impeached while clutching his Emmy award.” 

…and the NUMBER ONE QUOTE OVERHEARD at the GOVERNOR’S MANSION in ALBANY, New York THIS WEEK is:

 1.”How could I have the time to kill all those people?  I was busy writing my book on leadership.”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. “Equity” — In most instances, the opposite of equal opportunity.

 9. “Health Care”  — Terminating life in utero, and even after​ live birth​.

 8. “Gun Safety”   —  Mandatory “buy backs” for non-criminals.

 7. “Circle back”    — We will provide the information you requested, like maybe, but on our schedule, not yours.

 6. “Pandemic relief”  —   Necessary trillions to subsidize $100,000+ government pensions in NY, CAL and ILL;  funeral costs for illegals who expire on US soil; renovating the Kennedy Center; and more fun Solyndra projects!

 5.  “Retraining”   —  Eventually, you can build solar panels in a faraway state, at a fraction of the construction job salary we just terminated.

 4. “Fair share”  —  Dude, you’re working for us now.   And do you really need that second property or your own BMW?

 3.  “Climate change”  — An existential threat to humankind, requiring fleets of private jets and stretch limousines to reverse.

 2.  “Voter suppression”  —  Calling for identification and signatures prior to certifying a citizen’s right to vote.  In close elections, suppression can be triggered by a forecast of cloudy weather.

…and the TOP WATCHWORDS for the BIDEN ERA are….

 1. “Constructive engagement” – Apology Tour 2021 begins with sending taxpayer billions to the mullahs in Iran, in exchange for platitudes about nuclear research and a case of stuffed grape leaves.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10. ​ “OK, ​so ​Dad promised that the family wouldn’t cash in on him being president.   ​He winked, grinned and whispered​,​ ‘​Ceptin’ ​his​ book​!​​’​” 

​ 9.​ “Mr. Xi was so friendly to me and Dad.   His friends gave me $2 billion, and never even asked for a resume.”

  8. “With the right chemical enhancement, even a farm in Delaware can seem like Times Square.”

  7. “Taxiing in on Air Force One is an even better sales tool than getting embossed business cards.” 

6. “How come the Vice President is always chuckling around Dad?” 

5. “With all the scratch we’re pulling in from influence peddling, I’m getting nervous about Dad’s tax hikes.” 

4. “Iran looks like it’s coming around.   Can you spell p-a-y-d-a-y for Uncle Hunter?

 3. “Uncle Jim made more off Dad’s name than me, but nobody cares.” 

2. “Suddenly, even on Linked In, the name Biden is an aphrodisiac.”​

…and the NUMBER ONE ADVANCE EXCERPT FROM HUNTER’S “MEMOIR” is:

1. “Our First Lady is so amazing.   At the end of the family vacation last year, she told me I no longer had to use ‘Dr.’ Biden.   From here on, it’s ‘Professor’ Biden!”

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2021 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .