10. Responses from the incumbent will be delivered in writing, and read aloud by Morgan Freeman.
9. After a candidate interrupts his opponent a second time, moderator may call for a mixed-martial arts cage match.
8. Through the magic of television, any candidate invoking the term “white supremacist” will himself be fitted with a virtual white hood.
7. The challenger shall be afforded a stand-by teleprompter, in the event his earpiece fails.
6. There will be no references to “nap time” during any intermissions.
5. Since one debate moderator will be a Biden advocate and former intern, final debate will be hosted by Jared Kushner.
4. To appear more presidential, both candidates will be required to wear top hats.
3. Any candidate who works in a quote from James Madison or Alexander Hamilton will be awarded $50, presented by a descendent of “You Bet Your Life” host Groucho Marx.
2. Debaters must provide the costs to taxpayers for any new government spending they advocate. Lie detectors will be readied.
…and the NUMBER ONE NEW RULE from the COMMISSION on PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES is:
1. Candidates will arrive in wrestling team Spandex — just in case.
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