10. US Senators from Minnesota may only pose for photos with both hands clearly visible.
9. Bathrobes for men sold in Los Angeles County must have chastity belts sewn in.
8. All “door locking buttons” to be installed under office desks must include pop-up pepper spray feature for innocent visitors.
7. Dairy companies will voluntarily feature “Perv of the Day” photo on milk cartons.
6. Anyone declared an “icon” by Rep. Nancy Pelosi must be given 72-hour warning prior to arrest.
5. Secret payouts from Congressional slush fund to victims of harassment will be matched with checks issued by Kevin Spacey.
4. Adults “cruising” malls for companionship may not loiter near animated movie showings, nor “H & M” or “Forever Twenty One” stores…
3. PBS installs female host for new “Prairie Grope Companion” program.
2. Charlie Rose now restricted to all-male Turkish baths.
…and the NUMBER ONE SUGGESTION to REDUCE SEXUAL HARASSMENT by CELEBRITIES is:
1. On-line service will use GPS to track movements of Bill Clinton and Bill Cosby in real time.
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