(NOTE: This week, NYC Transit informed customers that it would no longer address riders as “Ladies and Gentlemen,” since that identification is too gender-confining. “Everyone” is the new preferred salutation.)
10. “Good morning, Earthlings. And a warm New York City Transit welcome to visitors from elsewhere.”
9. “All riders of privilege should proceed to car #3, where they will be subject to re-education.”
8. “Smoking is to be discouraged.” (An actual, official posted message at the United Nations)
7. “Buy a MetroCard, vote today.”
6. “Ride free if you are a victim.”
5. “Customers in the new clothing optional car should be standees only.”
4. “Rats on the tracks are property of NYC Transit.”
3. “There are now 63 distinct genders. A big New York City howdy to y’all.”
2. ” Hunting is not permitted from a moving subway car.”
…and the NUMBER ONE NEW ANNOUNCEMENT on the NEW YORK SUBWAY SYSTEM is:
1. “Need to report a crime? Please avoid stereotyping a perpetrator with an embarrassing ‘male’ or ‘female’ identification.”
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