10. “Deck the halls with shotgun pellets…..”
–Joe Biden (photo of grinning VP taken on his back porch)
9. “Sorry we didn’t get together more in 2016. Let’s connect next year, for sure.”
-Hillary R. Clinton (sent to all Wisconsin addresses on her mailing list)
8. “May the festival of lights infuse you and yours with the optimism of Hanukkah. And let me remind you, as I write, there are only 35 days until January 20th.”
-Benjamin Netanyahu
7. “Let us join to celebrate the winter solstice with hope for the future, as our pagan forebears did.”
– Generic greeting used by 124 college presidents to date this December
6. “Though the warming can be delightful,
“Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow…”
– Al Gore
5. “No, that was just a coincidence on 34th Street!”
– atheist former Congressman Pete Stark
4. “Happy Final Holidays in the U.S. to you. Come do lunch with me in (choose one: Canada/ Cuba/ Monaco/ Spain/ South Africa/ Seychelles/ Jupiter)”
– Generic greeting used by Miley Cyrus, Samuel L. Jackson, Cher, Barbra Streisand, Bryan Cranston, Amy Schumer, Chelsea Handler, Jon Stewart
3. “Dashing through the snow, in a Crimean one-horse sleigh…”
-Vladimir Putin
2. “Until the revolution overcomes the American-generated Cuban sugar shortage, there will be no sugar canes for comrades of any age this proletarian winter.”
-“President” Raoul Castro
…and the NUMBER ONE 2016 CHRISTMAS or HANUKKAH CARD INSCRIPTION is:
1. “One silver lining is that Hillary and I will be spending each and every evening together now.”
-Bill Clinton, biting his lip violently as he signs
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