- Incoming students will no longer be called “freshmen,” an oppressive male-oriented term. Instead, they will be called “Future Masters of the Universe.”
- Scratch that. “Masters” is gender-specific, too, darn it. How about “Mistresses of the Universe?”
- No, “mistresses” is out too. How about a plain and simple: “Future Nobel Laureates?”
- Masculine “Dean” of Students is now “Adult Peer” of entitled youth .
- “Prince” -ton is a holdover from male domination and perhaps even misogyny. Let’s try “Royalton” University.
- “Manhole covers” on campus will henceforth become “Human Egress / Entrance Lids” (“HEELs”).
- Archaic and oppressive gender-specific “Male” and “Female” bathrooms must have new signage offering “Temporary Safe Space.”
( Lavatories must not be limited to humans. How can we anthropromorphise the entire Galaxy?)
- “Upper Classmen” terminology must be ended at Princeton / Royalton. Please see numbers 10, 9, 8 above.
- The break from classes beginning around each December 20th will henceforth be known as the “Winter Solstice Respite,” avoiding controversial references to a male Deity.
…and the NUMBER ONE ENTRY IN THE NEW, REQUIRED, PRINCETON UNIVERSITY LEXICON GUIDE is:
- Offerings to be removed from Princeton / Royalton’s food and adult beverage menus: “Po’ Boy,” “Shirley Temple,” the Queen Elizabeth, Oysters Rockefeller, the Longfellow, the Bloody Mary and Tom Collins for starters.
Please log on to www.gipperten.com , where you can subscribe to “Your Weekly American Top Ten list” for free. Simply complete the “newsletter” boxes and submit. You can also catch up on previous Top Tens on the website.
Enjoy and Happy Labor Day !
