- Enjoying your Hummer? Now, drive it directly into the penitentiary, where you will begin serving three-to-five.
- To reduce emissions from meat production: a $5 deduction for each grasshopper you buy for consumption. Incentive raised to $10 per insect during Thanksgiving week. (When filing your tax return, please attach photos of all family member chewing and swallowing Federally-approved insects.)
- $2,000 cash if you remain seated while listening to the entirety of an AOC speech on climate change. (Only three Americans have been able to accomplish this feat.)
- $500,000 tax credit and 100,000 airline miles if you can persuade John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi, Leonardo di Caprio and Al Gore to NOT fly private jets for 365 days.
- $100-worth of government cheese for each week a homeowner avoids utilizing more than 10 gallons of hot water. Feds will also provide perfume and high-test deodorant.
- Child care credit will be replaced with more eco-friendly Celibacy Tax Credit.
4. Turn up your thermostat, receive visit from an armed Elizabeth Warren.
- New York will introduce a “Green New Year’s Eve”: All energy-sucking lights and Jumbo-trons in Times Square will be shut down.
- Purchase three electric vehicles you can’t afford, then receive the “XI Jinping $20,000 Federal Subsidy” and a personal thank-you call from one of his active copper or cobalt mines.
…and the NUMBER ONE NEW BIDEN POLICY to “PROD” AMERICANS TOWARD “GREEN” LIFESTYLES is…
- For all members of Congress voting for the “Green New Deal”: Office thermostats will be set at 50 in winter and 90 in summer.
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