TOP TEN QUALITIES that RECOMMEND SOMEONE to be a VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE:
- The ability to say: “That’s old news!” …even in one’s sleep.
- Able to focus the most fawning, adoring gaze toward the presidential nominee at public events (think Katharine Hepburn glancing at Spencer Tracy)…
- Willingness to abandon core beliefs, not excluding support for any three of the first Ten Amendments.
- Look like a plausible real-life president, just in case the boss is dragged off to prison during your term.
- Comfort level with president’s children and grandchildren, for easy segue into vice presidential baby-sitting assignments.
- The somber facial expression of the successful undertaker is fine-tuned for the VP’s most important diplomatic mission: showing up for photo ops at foreign state funerals.
- Vocalizing “Of course the president is correct,” with a bit more enthusiasm each day.
- The ability to say something nice about a pantsuit or a red tie each day.
- Intellectually and politically experienced enough to chair that critical “Blue Ribbon Vice Presidential Commission on…..on…”
What, again, was that urgent issue we don’t have the guts to fix??
…and the NUMBER ONE QUALITY THAT RECOMMENDS SOMEONE to be a VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE is:
1. Ability to hand wash the Presidential stretch limo, including wheel rims, in under 11 minutes.
Extra time allotted for vacuuming.
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