10. Pre-order your full-body Burka OR black Turban from our duty-free shop.
9. Book your stay at the Kabul Ritz-Carlton, receive complimentary camel-limo service to your thatched hut.
8. Newest landmark: Bagram Air Base renamed “Joseph R. Biden Jr. International Airport and Detention Center.”
7. Attend Catholic Mass in Kandahar. Become martyr the same day.
6. Bring the kids to “Jihad-World” theme park. Torture scenes will only be simulated, at least until closing time.
5. See President Biden’s national mask mandate policy in action. Over here, that means women only.
4. Got a spare year or three? See just how “cleansing” our re-education camps can be.
3. Buy one-way commercial flight ticket; the U.S. State Department will fly you back for free.
2. For excitement lovers: Remember that Afghanistan is the “Gateway to Turkmenistan.”
…and the NUMBER ONE “TALIBAN TOURIST TIP” for VISITORS to AFGHANISTAN is…
1. Visit the wild nightclubs of the Afghani capital; your first goat is free.
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