Your Weekly American Top Ten List

(Mayor Bill deBlasio and his “progressive” allies plan to close Rikers Island, which houses an average of 10,000 prisoners on a perfectly located island with only one point of egress. In its place, they want to build four “community jails” in residential neighborhoods that do not want them.)

​10.​  Vote in your cell, no I.D. needed​.​

​ 9.   ​In-house dating now permitted​, with “Skelmatch.com” website preferred​.

​ 8.   ​Coffee hour with lattes served by corrections officers​.​

​ 7.    ​Prison jump suits by Ralph Lauren​.​

​  6.   ​The good news: Rooftop gardening ​will give​ inmates agricultural skills.       ​ The bad news: Prisoners ​hope to consume all the weed they grow.

​  5.   ​Judgmental “inmates” moniker to be replaced by “valued customer.”

​  4.     ​Judgmental “prison cell” references morph into “living spaces.”

​  3.    ​ Individual hot tubs in each living space.

​  2.   ​  “Rec” hour to be managed by Equinox Fitness.

…and the NUMBER ONE AMENITY in the new “COMMUNITY JAILS” to replace Rikers Island is:

 1.  New Corrections department “frequent guest” program:           Earn a future free night ​at a Ritz Carlton for every five nights spent in jail…

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

10.  You noticed that Barack Obama was sounding off on climate change and rising seas, but he bought a huge mansion right on Martha’s Vineyard’s lovely waterfront.

 9. You wonder:  “can anyone go in and vote without proof of I.D.?”

 8.   You read that Mrs. deBlasio spent well over $1 billion on her mental health initiative.  ​For that much money, all the mentally ill ​must be​ off the streets​, correct?

 7.   If you drive into Manhattan, City Council members call you “rich.”     Now you must be taxed and tolled $20 extra for each trip in and out.

 6.  Governor Cuomo forced you to spend hundreds on ​his smaller clip for your ​pistol.    That really solved mass shootings.

5.   Your Mayor “asks” you to “contribute” 2% more of your income, but the budget never seems to truly balance.

 4.  You weren’t able “to keep your doctor.”

 3.   Senator Warren’s new “Wealth Tax” idea is on top of all the other taxes?

​ 2. You thought “choice” was about better schools.   No, it’s about the “right” to late term abortions.​

…and the NUMBER ONE TIP-OFF THAT YOU MAY be LEANING REPUBLICAN is…

 1.  If your life depended on it, you couldn’t name more than seven genders.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .

​10.  You are mayor of a city in Indiana or New York.

 9. Voters back home in Minnesota still favor Al Franken over you.

 8. You were remembered mostly for resembling that singer in “Abba.” (Gillibrand) 

 7. “YES!”  (At the debate, you raised your hand to support free health care for illegals​.​ We have the photo.)

 6.  You claimed Native American heritage to ​enter academia, then got paid over $​4​00K NOT to teach at Harvard.

 5.  Your twin brother isn’t running, but is polling ahead of you for president.

 4.  ​Even after your great cardiac care on the campaign trail, ​you still favor Venezuelan-style health “reforms.”

 3.  People remember that you were THAT mayor of Newark. (Booker)

 2.  Voters can only identify “skateboarding” as your primary skill. (O’Rourke and Yang)

…and the NUMBER ONE INDICATOR that you are NOT LIKELY to BECOME PRESIDENT in 2020 is:

1. Even if your son’s name is “Hunter,” that won’t really cut it with gun owners. Or Ukrainian-Americans.

“Your Weekly American Top Ten list” is intended as humorous commentary, and is NOT a source of real news.

To subscribe to the “Top Ten” for free, please visit  www.gipperten.com .  Then, complete the “subscribe” boxes and submit.

While on the site, you can catch up on previous Top Tens from 2016-2019 by scrolling back.   Enjoy!

To communicate with the editor, please e-mail  [email protected]  .