10. If you plan to visit as a tourist, the Lake will still be there.
9. Bring a pistol to protect yourself, go to jail. Don’t you feel safer already?
8. The Blues Brothers were real.
7. Fewer shootings today than during that St. Valentine’s Day massacre.
6. Don’t be afraid! Snipers have never used the Sears Tower.
5. Low interest mortgages now available to help pay your parking bill downtown.
4. Violent criminals can now access sensitivity counseling, 24/7.
3. Security? Try a luxury suite at Wrigley… but only for a day game.
2. Chicago’s not perfect, but that’s Trump’s fault.
…and the NUMBER ONE REASSURANCE about CHICAGO from MAYOR RAHM EMANUEL is:
1. Only a third of the city’s Aldermen have been convicted of corruption.
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