10. “I only have three hours. Should I attend an Andrew Cuomo opera or the Al Sharpton circus?”
9. “I don’t see no nightlife here!” (-voicemail from Wild Avenue on Staten Island)
8. “Why does NYC allow the Elvis impersonators into the Tarzan impersonators contest?”
7. “Can you get a permit for human sacrifices in the Bronx?”
6. “You’re pulling my leg. ALL of New York City is now a ‘Safe Space?'”
5. “I didn’t expect it, but those National Review guys are really funny after hours.”
4. “I swear, it was a detective who told me that Riverside Park was ‘clothing optional.'”
3. “So I can’t own a gun here… but how about poison darts?”
2. “I flew all the way to NYC because I heard that this guy DeBlasio was a great stand-up comic.” (- Tourist from Gander, Newfoundland)
… and the NUMBER ONE CALL THIS WEEK to the JUST-APPOINTED “EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR OF NIGHTLIFE” for NEW YORK CITY is:
1. “Where is the best place to join the ‘Resistance’ AND meet hot babes?”
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